Heart broken

I need to vent. I have no idea how to get through this. Idk what to do with myself. This would have been my first baby, I would have been 11 weeks today. I’m feeling pain that I never even knew existed 🥺 for 12 hours I had contractions and had to watch everything come out of me. I wish I had the chance to choose d&c.. I’m so traumatized & it made losing my baby 1 million times worse. My heart is in a million pieces. I wanted so badly to be a mom. I feel like the only thing that would make me happy is to get pregnant again but I’m terrified. If it happens again I don’t think I’d be able to get through it.. this is the absolute worst feeling in the world 💔