Does having a baby change everything- honest answers please

Question

So I’ve a lot of post about how after having a baby everything in their relationship changed in a bad way. Whether it’s fighting all the time or no sex or not finding each other attractive anymore.. my grandma always is saying that once you have a baby the whole relationship changes you fight and are stressed all the time ( she also had 6 kids who she ultimately raised by herself so I know it was hard for her). 
Me and my husband are planning to get pregnant soon and my thoughts and hopes are this would bring us so close I imagine all the fun things Christmas, birthdays, going to the park, Disneyland as a family. I know it’s not all fun and games there is a lot of stressful times to. 
A little background I’m 27 and have been together with my husband for 11 years. We have a great relationship with no big issues. We are financially stable. 
I see us having a baby being such a great happy step in our life. And then I read so many post on here that say since we got pregnant or had our baby their relationship has gotten worse.. 
so my question is how has having a baby affected your marriage/ relationship did it bring you closer as a family or push your further away from each other and cause issues? All story’s are welcomed

Answer

This is something that is not honestly talked about enough....
In the beginning, a baby absolutely ruined our very new marriage. I went from working 2 jobs 12-14 hours a day, to being a stay at home mom. I don’t recommend this. Then about 5 weeks in, I was worried about breastfeeding because my son stopped sleeping for longer than an hour at a time. I because sleep deprived, stressed and unmotivated. I quickly fell into PPD and spiraled deeper and deeper into my own little pity party that depression causes. I was sad because I wasn’t losing weight. I was sad because my son stopped gaining weight, became failure to thrive and I was failing at breastfeeding at only 3 1/2 months (in my mind it was the only thing I was good for since quitting my job). We started fighting more and more, I would leave for weeks on end with my son to another state. Eventually we tried couples counseling, but my husband wasn’t interested in that. I got so furious with his lack of commitment to bettering our marriage, I assaulted him. I was arrested and missed my sons first Halloween, thanksgiving and 1st birthday because I was in jail then a restraining order was in place. My wonderfully forgiving husband took me back right before Christmas, and it had been an uphill battle of trust and love since then. We now have a daughter who is almost 8 weeks old, and this time around is much better. I do believe the hitting rock bottom and realizing what we needed from each other in terms of parenting and in marriage was huge. 
We still struggle with clear communication and transparency, but I can say it’s just another stepping stone in any relationship. Dealing with death is another one that throws you for a loop. 
Also, postpartum depression is a very real thing, for both moms and dads. Seriously talk about it before you have kids and have a plan to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand like mine did.
Children are challenging, but oh so wonderful at the same time. Don’t be scared of the what if’s. Keep lines of communication open and have plan for what could come up. You will be wonderful❤️

Answer

Having a child with someone tests everything your relationship is, and everything you are individually.

Answer

Both honestly. We don’t spend nearly as much time together. I stay at home for now so basically he works, comes home, we go shopping if we need to then I take a nap and have the baby for the night/day time. I miss him. We have sex and time together like once or twice a week. I feel fulfilled in our relationship because we have a beautiful 7 week old but the relationship dynamic has definitely changed a lot.

Answer

My relationship didn’t really change we still have fun and get a long we do argue but our baby didn’t bring on the stress we just pick on each thats all but other than that wr have more fun than before we get to include our daughter for all our adventures like comic cons, the zoo, the renaissance fair each year, going out to eat, we actually have a reason to get into lego land (they wont let you in without a kid) lol we just get go try new things and do new things all while giving our daughter memories to enjoy

Answer

Both. But to me a lot of it depends on how you / your SO responds to the stress. 
The first 2 months was rough for us. I resented him being able to leave the house alone while I was stuck at home. 
Once I went back to work, I felt lonely because I never saw him. We worked opposite shifts to avoid daycare. We’d do a handoff in the parking lot at work, and I’d be asleep by the time he got home. 
As it went on we got into a better routine and were able to find balance. Atleast 1x a week we have a nice dinner at home, just the two of us and watch our shows. Kid is asleep and we focus on is. We started this around 4-5m pp.

Answer

I’d say our relationship is the same if not better. My husband is an amazing father and so helpful and it just makes me love him more. I’m a SAHM and he’s a student so we see each other mostly after 5 pm and the whole weekend but neither of us feel like we’re not spending enough time with each other. Honestly we are together a lot. As far as sex, I’m 3 mo pp and we can’t have sex right now due to some scar tissue on my episiotomy site, but believe me, the want for it is THERE. Sometimes I think I want him more now than I did pre baby 😅 of course not everyday is perfect and sometimes we get frustrated or stressed but it’s not every single day. Not even close. Most of our days are happy and relaxed and we’re very happy post baby! Everyone’s experience is different and you just have to take it day by day and realize having a baby is a learning experience for you both, to be patient with each other and always try to see the brighter side of things.  ENJOY YOUR TIME TOGETHEE- wether it’s whole days or just hours until your next day starts. Choose each other daily and remember having a baby doesn’t have to be the end of a loving, romantic, fun relationship!

Answer

You will love him in a way huge different way just for giving you the bundle of joy but it is a rough road in the beginning. My fiancé and I were like bunnies but when I gave birth I was always tired even when I wanted to have sex same with him. He was always working and when he came home it was baby first which I didn’t mind but wanted us time. I can say though as your baby grows and you get a steady schedule you learn to have sex where ever (at home) when ever you have time lol, you learn date nights and communication is key. You slowly start to adjust in a new happy way. My son turns two next week and we’re still happily together and recently engaged. ❤️ don’t fear a beautiful future.

Answer

There will always be an adjustment period. It’s a huge change. But that doesn’t mean that having kids will doom your marriage. The important thing is to communicate. That is key. If you communicate your needs and you both go in knowing that changes are occurring then you can make it

Answer

In the first few weeks of having a baby we definitely were feeling apart and we were stressed. After that we just kept growing closer and we are better than we have ever been. We have aWonderful 14 month old boy.

Answer

You wrote this for me, I have posted a similar question and got quite a few mean comments lol, saying I’m very naive etc 🙄...my husband and I have been together 8 yrs, he says he isn’t ready right now due to some things that are going on, not financially. I read people saying there is no “right” time to have a baby, so part of me says what the heck ! Why not now ? I even realize I have been holding off to have a child because I was waiting for a perfect time.

Does having a baby change everything- honest answers please

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