Cheating or Crazy??

Okay, so yesterday my husband and I are on our way to McDonald’s after game leaving work and he’s telling me a story about how his female coworker lost her bong so she had to go home and find and he says he ended up finding it on top of the medicine cabinet. I was like, “wait why were you at her house?” And he said he wasn’t and said I misunderstood him and he had said she ended up finding it their, but I swear I heard it the other way. I get over it because whatever I believe him there’s no reason for me to really think anything of it. Except he was being pretty defensive about it which made me a bit anxious, still I ignored it. We ended up going to clean out or old vehicle and as I’m clearing out the back seat I find a tube of Body Bliss Chapstick, it’s grapefruit jasmine flavored/scented which I know for a fact I’ve never got that brand and would never pick that flavor/scent. He gets defensive starts talking about how paranoid I am to his cousin who was there because the car is at the shop his family owns. I don’t know maybe I am crazy, but it’s really been bugging me. I can’t get it off my mind. He said maybe it was one of our sisters, but it’s been forever since any of them have been in there and from what I can tell Body Bliss chapstick is only available online which would mean neither of our little sisters could possibly buy it. I don’t know he’s been acting weird and we’ve had problems in the past. Last May just after I miscarried I found out he was asking strangers for nudes and trying to sexy them. He’s had a sex or porn addiction since before we got married and a very high libido, but recently seems uninterested unless I initiate. 🤷🏼‍♀️ But, hey maybe I’m just being crazy. It’s not far fetched.

Just for more info on what happened last time: He was caught on kik asking girls for nudes and trying to message them, but as far as I saw got no responses. He has also been telling me that he just didn’t feel like it after the miscarriage even when I got my libido back, but had this on his phone. At this time I also saw he had downloaded Tindr and few other apps so I don’t know what exactly he did or didn’t do, but we stayed together because we have a son who was only a few months old at the time and he said he wanted to do better as he bawled like a baby in my lap that night. He also sent me a very long message on Snapchat because at first I wouldn’t talk to him and had locked myself in the bathroom.

This was a horrible night. I was already having a rough night because of worsened depression from the miscarriage and because I previously self-harmed when I was younger I locked myself in the bathroom and told him to hid anything sharp before I came out because I knew if I found something I wasn’t going to have the strength to tell myself no. I am now in a better place mentally and if I do find out he’s cheating I will definitely be upset and disgusted, but I will not let it effect me to the level I hurt myself. I have two babies counting on me.