Miscarriage story

I'm writing this story to help others who are going through the same battle.

 Last weekend my husband and I decided to take a mini holiday. It was a 15 hour drive and lots of shopping when we got there. (Where we live the price of clothes and goods are just to high)

We arrived on the Thursday night. Shopped Friday and Saturday and then on Saturday evening I started spotting. It was light pink but I knew something wasn't right. I messaged a friend who had miscarried 2 years ago and she said if I had any doubts to go to the ER.  I waited a while to see if it would go (it was straight after sex) but it didn't. It got worse. So off we went to the ER. they did an ultrasound and the fetal pole was still where it should be. I was 5 weeks and 5 days. He said because it was still so early he wouldn't be able to detect a heart beat. He said things were looking ok but I was however having a threatened miscarriage. So he placed me on strict bed rest and said if the spotting turned to bleeding (dark blood) that I should return straight away. We left feeling relieved but couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. I woke up at 1 needing to pee and when I looked in the loo there was quite a lot of blood. And when I wiped it was dark red. So I woke my husband and we went back to the ER. This was at half 1. He did another ultra sound and said that the fetal pole was still where it should be but he wanted to check my cervix as he said I shouldn't be bleeding. I was 2cm dilated and bleeding. He told me I was having an inevitable miscarriage. He then admitted me saying that my body was going to miscarry by the next day and so I will need a D&C or pills to go into natural labour. I was admitted at half 4 and my husband was asked to go home. I felt scared, alone and very shaken up. I didn't sleep at all. The nurse came in every 30 minutes to check my BP and monitor the bleeding. At 5 I started to miscarry. The pain was like a very intense period with contractions every 15 mins or so. Not unbearable but not pleasant at all. She offered me pain meds but I refused. I felt like I deserved to feel the pain. It was my fault this was happening and I must be punished. I had an IV drip and was refusing to eat. I messaged my friend who told me that the day they do the procedure you shouldn't eat and so I didn't. I wanted it to all be over so I could go home and start mourning. My husband returned at 10 with my aunt and gran (who we were staying with) and luckily the doctor finally called to say I could see him at 11. He did another ultra sound and confirmed that I had partially miscarried. He sent me up to be prepped for surgery and within 30 mins I was lying on the table. My husband was amazing. He did everything right, said all the right things and assured me he would be there when I came out. He was. He bought me a wrap (my favourite) and asked what else I would like. All I wanted was coke. I never drink coke. Ever. He dashed out when I had fallen asleep and when I woke was holding my hand and watching me with an open coke. The most amazing person in the whole world was by my side. My friend helped me through it all as did he. She was messaging me and prepping me on what was about to happen. He was supporting me. Taking pictures of me to prove to her I was ok. The support I received from them and my family was overwhelming. If it wasn't for my bestie and my husband I would have broken down. It was traumatizing being in a place I didn't know, and knowing my baby was dying because of me.

Apon return home (3 days later and on strict bed rest) I saw my doctor here who said the travelling and shopping was probably to much for my body to handle, causing the miscarriage, but also assured me it wasn't my fault and that it could have happened regardless.

The days following have been tough, depressing, and sometimes unbearable. I still blame myself. If i knew travelling would have that much of an impact I wouldn't have done it. But it has happened, it has now been a week. and in 2 months we may try again.

My support system as been amazing. It was my first pregnancy and we won't give up.  to all those going through what I am. It is hard. It is traumatizing. But it isn't the end.