So I found out I was pregnant the morning my husband left for deployment. We were excited and sad, for obvious reason!

We'd been trying for nearly 2 years, given up and then to find out at that time.

So that was back in October.

In January I moved closer to the in-laws. My husband felt it was best, because I'd need help toward the end of pregnancy and I agreed. I dont mind being here and we all have a pretty amazing relationship.

So I have some things I wanted done before the baby got here and before I got to a point where my mobility was limited. I have a lot of back, knee, and nerve damage already so just wanting to be prepared, you know?

Its almost June... that's 6 months if you're keeping track of when I moved here.

I needed a glider or recliner and wanted all the big stuff done, the garden needed to be ready and set up in April when my brother would be here to help me get it all done. The oven doesn't work properly, the dishwasher is ... idk what it is but cant use it, the AC is busted, all of these things have been known about since I moved it and NONE OF IT GOT DONE.

It's like they expect me to replace the appliances that are broken down or something... um no it's your shit you fix it like you effing promised.

This belly is so big I can hardly reach the sink to wash dishes! With my back and joints as messed up as they are right now, plus the numbness in my hands I drop everything!

A little reminder in June. I'm 3 weeks from my due date.

I havent felt my fingers on my right hand in nearly a month! I can hardly walk 65% of the effing time, I use my furniture to hold myself up to get around the house...

Guess who finally got that recliner today... me. I had to order it and have it delivered because the "help" that was promised, well the help I was told I needed and persuaded to accept by moving here....... hasn't done what they said they'd do.

6 months people!

I dont think I'm being unreasonable. And then when I do anything by myself people want to get onto me, like what the fuck do you expect me to fucking do! It's not like I have any fucking help. I'm out here in the middling of fucking BFE, by myself. If you would do what you say you are gonna do this would have all been done.

Also all those fucking "friends" who said they would be there for me though the deployment and pregnancy, where the fuck have you been?!?! Its been 9 months already! No shit the babys about to come...... youd know that if you didnt make all these plans and promises then blow me off!

I'm sorry for the long rant this is just been the worst time of my life. and I'm getting ready to face one of the most frightening moments and I have to do it completely alone. The nearest hospital is an hour away! and I'm so scared I wont make it. And I get to do these things alone because I cant count on anyone.

How am I supposed to feel?