Family wedding drama

I already posted about this a few days ago but wanted to give an update. So my brother is getting married 1 month after I’m supposed to have my son. My entire family is in the wedding (me, husband, sister, dad, and my mom has essentially refused to help with my kids bc she wants to be able to enjoy her sons wedding) we have no extended or close family available to watch my kids (3yo flower girl & newborn son) and my husband and I were under the impression that his parents would be invited, because we’ve briefly discussed it —in no great detail— with my parents and brother and his fiancée. Looking back we probably should have clarified with them at some point but, oh well.

Apparently my mom told my brother not to invite my in-laws, without asking me or my husband what in the world we are going to do with our kids. (She doesn’t like my husband’s parents bc they have money and my parents don’t) Hubs and I found out they weren’t invited a few days ago and are upset because we literally have no one else to watch our kids that day. Hubs is a groomsmen, my dad is best man, and my sister and I are bridesmaids. My mom

won’t be much help. My husband texted my brother a few days ago and asked very politely if my in-laws could just be allowed to come to the ceremony. My brother never gave an answer.

Today my brother and my dad came over. My brother basically said that they were never going to invite my in-laws bc they didn’t want to upset my mom and they don’t really know them and they have a tight guest list. I said I understood, and I apologized for assuming that they were invited, but they should have asked us or even provided suggestions on what we could do with our kids during the ceremony and/or pictures. My dad and brother said that they were under the impression that I would just leave my newborn son (who has a health issue) at my in-laws house all day and night. I said no, I’m not leaving my infant son with a health problem all day and night because A) I don’t want to be away from him that long and B) I’m going to be breastfeeding. I told him that he should have asked me about it. (Keep in mind that the wedding starts at 2pm, bridesmaids hair and makeup will probably be around 12pm, and the reception isn’t ending until probably 10pm.)

When I asked why my in-laws weren’t invited he said that A) he didn’t want to upset our mom and B) that they don’t really know my in-laws. I said that it never should have been up to my mom in the first place, and they should have talked to me and my husband first. At this point my dad tries to

guilt trip me by saying that my mom knows I’m upset because I haven’t spoken to her all week and she’s losing sleep over it. Then he called me selfish because I’m putting myself first before my brother and his fiancée on their wedding day. Then he blamed me for a huge argument that my brother and his fiancée had over this. Finally my mom, brother and fiancée came to a decision to allow my in-laws to come to the ceremony so they can watch the kids but then to leave with my newborn. They’re not allowed to come to the reception bc of food count and my mom doesn’t want them there. I asked them what would we have done with the kids if my in-laws wouldn’t have been invited to the ceremony and they both basically shrugged their shoulders. I’ve basically been crying ever since. And that was this morning. I can’t believe my own family didn’t even consider my husband and I or our kids and I’m even more upset because my dad had the audacity to call me selfish because I’m worried about my kids. Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks this is insane