Yesterday I had a D&E. Right now I am feeling completely lost. May 13th is when I first found out I was pregnant. According to my last cycle, I would be 5 weeks along. My husband and I have been ttc for over a year and a half. May 14th was his birthday so I held it to myself for an entire 24 hours only telling my BFF. I give him the best birthday gift of his life! He cries! I cry! We are beyond happy. Fast forward exactly one week from his birthday. I am at work. I’m a nurse in a semi-busy ER and I am in hour 11 of my 12 hour shift. I am caring for a young woman actively having a miscarriage. I feel like I’ve wet myself. I hurry off to the bathroom and my worse nightmare has come true. There’s blood and it’s everywhere. I check myself into ER and call my husband to rush to the hospital. Ultrasound and blood work are inconclusive bc I’m so early on. Next day, OB orders more blood levels for later in the week and ultrasound for the following week. Blood levels rise, all is well. Ultrasound shows an empty sac. No yolk, no fetal pole, no heartbeat! The midwife brings up options over the phone. They want further labs and another ultrasound in a week to be sure. Flash forward a week (this Monday past) and ultrasound confirmed the worse. Wednesday was my D&E. I took a few days off of work but all I do is cry and wallow in self pity. My husband has been my rock. Without him idk what I would be doing with myself. I just hope I can heal mentally and physically from the most traumatic 3 weeks of my life! I don’t know what I hoped getting from this post. I just really wanted to get it all out there. Now I am so scared to get pregnant ever again. I never want to feel a pain like this once more. We may never know what caused this, but OB says it was probably genetic or chromosomal issues. Tells us the likelihood hood for another miscarriage is lesser. Which I think is a crock of crap! Please tell me I’ll feel better someday!?!