Short story about my weighted blanket

We have been close since Christmas and I cherished you for being the $80 gem that you were. You have kept me warm and comfy but there are a few problems.

1. You fall between the bed and the wall and when I have to pull you out, it feels like I’m ripping a corpse out from between the bed and the wall. You’re just too heavy.

2. When I kick my blankets off in my sleep and I have to pull them back up, you get stuck down there at the railing and I have to wake myself up to rip you back on top of me.

3. You are a pain in the ass when you get wrapped up with my bigger blanket. Sometimes you are just not enough for me, so I have to retrieve a bigger, warmer subject to sleep comfortably.

4. When you get wrapped up with the bigger comforter, you are a PAIN IN THE ASS when I have to unwrap the two of you. I needed to emphasize that because really, I can’t believe you.

So I have gotten pretty pissed off and tired of you and we have officially separated even though I still love you. I’m not sorry that I got so angry and gave you to my mom. I need a break. That being said I might take a day, or a month to really start missing you. But for right now I don’t even want to put you in the closet. I want you out of my sight.

Sincerely, your owner.