I made my mom cry

My step dad was an abusive asshole and today I asked my mom why she stayed with him to long and allowed the things she allowed. I don’t remember this particular incident probably because I was so sick but she brought it up because.. i don’t know. She told me that when I was 8 I was very sick with strep throat and I was home with my step dad. I asked to call my mom and he told me no. My mom then called me to check on me and I picked up the phone and went back to my room and laid down and talked to her on the phone. He heard me talking and came in and yanked the phone out of my hand and called me a disrespectful stupid little bitch. She kicked him out over this but let him come back and told him he no longer had the right to discipline me at all? That didn’t happen. She said that was the worst thing he did and I was like uhhh, no.

The worst thing he did was well, I had got in trouble for something minor and my mom told me “eat your dinner and go clean your room afterwards.” So I sit down and eat dinner and she leaves to go to the store. No lie as soon as she left he hit me so hard on the head that my head slammed into the table and started screaming at me to go clean my room. So I pick up my plate.. I walk over to the counter and sit my plate on the counter because I wanted to come back to it and he does it again “I said go clean your room.” But this time he hits my head and it slammed into the corner of the counter and I literally see stars and fall down. He’s then screaming at me to get the fuck up and doesn’t stop until I’m in my room. I literally crawled to my room, I was fucked up and couldn’t get up. My head hurt for like 2 days. I remember crawling into a corner as he slammed the door and holding my head trying to like.. keep my brain in because it was throbbing. I think this was the worst thing personally because he probably caused me to have a head injury. She starts bawling and asked me why I never told her.. I honestly thought that this was something she allowed and deemed acceptable because it happened my entire life. I had been treated like that since they started dating. I had to pee really bad one night when I was 4 and he got pissed off and ripped me up by my leg and dragged me to the bathroom and threw me at the toilet and I told my mom and she said he was just mad that he had to get up. So I thought this was what was allowed. I was 4 and probably couldn’t explain well enough what happened. My mom has been crying for 2 hours and I don’t really know what to say to her. I just told her the truth. I didn’t say it to hurt her. I was honestly wondering why.. now that I’m older and they’re divorced why she let it happen so long. I didn’t know that she truly had no idea the extent of it. I do not know why I’m so numb to this like I feel like I should feel bad, and I love my mom and don’t resent her. But it’s just like.. it’s the truth

And everything here is the very tip of the iceberg when it came to the abuse. There are some dark things I could talk about but I don’t want to trigger anyone