How do you know the time is right for #2?

How can you be sure the timing is right to add to your family, especially when your relationship has been less than solid years in the past and again more recently?

My husband and I are in marriage counseling and things have been really great for the past 3 months. Prior to starting counseling, it was really bad and I was preparing to leave him. Lately it’s been like we’ve gone back to how we used to be 4 years ago and I’m so much happier and in love than I have been in a long time. We have a 2 year old who I am mostly a stay at home mom for, and I really want to have another baby before the age gap gets to be too large.

We’ve always talked about how having our kids 1-3 years apart would be perfect so they’ll play well together and be in school together some years. He has a twin brother who he used to get along great with as a kid so he wants our kids to be close. I grew up with 6 siblings ranging from 2 1/2 to 17 years older than me and I only ever played with the brother who is 2 1/2 years older. So I want my children to be able to play together because I know what it’s like when the age difference is too big.

Not only is the age difference a factor, but I really want to have another baby. I have so much love for children of all ages and I’m ready for another baby to love. I’ve worked at daycares and preschools and I love seeing my preschool kids hug their baby siblings and seeing the babies’ faces light up and hear them coo when their big brother or sister walks in. I’ve always wanted 4 kids and I feel like we’re missing part of our family because we only have one kid and she’s already 2. She would be an awesome big sister, she’s always pretending to take care of her baby dolls and animals and she is the funniest little girl. I want to see her with a baby sibling and see how their bond grows. We’re not quite out of the baby-stage so it wouldn’t be like starting over again, but we are having a bit of break since she mostly sleeps through the night, eats whatever we eat, takes one 2 hour nap every day, and is communicating really well.

Our main hang up is that it’s stressful to go through pregnancy and having a new little one. Neither of us want to put ourselves into a situation that will take us down the wrong path and push us further apart. Is it a bad idea to take the risk? Is it possible that it could mess things up? Our first pregnancy brought us closer together, the first couple months were pretty hard for me, but after that the whole first year wasn’t that stressful. If it pushes us further apart then we would end up divorcing and I would mostly be raising two kids on my own. I know it’s possible because my mom was a single mother who raised my oldest sister, my brother and I, but I also know it’s hard and really lonely. At the same time, if it could push us apart to have a baby wouldn’t it be better for it to be next year with our second rather than 6 years from now when it’s our 4th?

I don’t know what I’m looking for really, can anyone tell me their experience or maybe give some advice? Maybe I’m overlooking something super obvious. I just have such a longing for another baby and it’s hard to see clearly.