Yes, I'm leaving him... But it's not as easy as it sounds

I suffer from depression but I love life and I worked so hard on myself, for years, with an amazing psychologist. Last year she stopped taking my insurance so I stopped seeing her. Tried other people, just not the same.

So I've just been utilizing the tools she taught me to keep going.

Meanwhile I've been trying to survive my marriage.

My husband is from some sort of planet... We just don't speak the same language.

I love him and I love his son, my sweet step son. But it's a daily struggle. Everything is just not enough for me. He's lazy, he does nothing around the house except take out the trash. He works from home, for himself... Occasionally. I work like an animal. Come home yet I still do it all. He's never made me dinner (he can't cook... But I told him a billion times that take out would make me just as happy). I literally come home late from work and have to make my own dinner... Never once a romantic sweet surprise of dinner already made.

We also don't agree on parenting. His son has so much potential, but he's in him room playing games 10 hrs a day. Because his dad let's him. He loves to read and do arts and crafts... But prefers gaming if he's allowed. So he only does that.

I'm always reminded I'm not his mom, or a mom in general, so I don't understand what it's like to live a child and to let him play video games all day long if that's what he wants.

We fight every other week and it lasts for weeks. I'm over it. My self esteem is out the window. So the other day I told him this won't work. I told him I'm not happy.

We both owned a house before we got married, so we moved in mine and he rented his. The lease for his house won't be up until December so him and his son need to stay here until December.

He keeps saying he needs to leave he can't be here with me. He wanted to put a bed in the office, I told him no because I don't want his son to be surrounded in this screwed up situation. He needs to hurt as little as possible. He was abandoned by his mom 2.5 yrs ago, which is why I stayed here for so long, sacrificing my happiness for this sweet boy who deserves nothing but love. I literally almost want to change my mind and let them stay just so my step son can have a family. But what about my happiness and sanity?

Anyway, my husband keeps saying things like 'oh I'll need to buy a new washer and dryer when we move' and things like 'I wonder if my son will miss it dog when we move'.

It hurts. This is not what I planned when I got married. It's like he's stabbing me with his words each time with this whole 'when we move out'. He doesn't understand my depression.

When I told him I wasn't happy he was quick to say they are leaving. What ever happened to saying "you are my everything I want to make you happy how can we fix this?". His fleeing behavior is making this decision easier I guess. But he's claiming he's hurting and he loves me. Bla bla bla...

How do you guys deal with the pain of a relationship falling apart?! And the loss of a step child? Who I will never see again... and how will he feel? He will lose the second woman in his life... after just losing his mom to abandonment... I wanted to be there for him forever.... 😔