Kids in bed & I'm over it - ADVICE NEEDED!

Ok ladies, I have a situation I need advice on. This might be kind of long so I apologize in advance.

My husband and I have a blended family. 2 boys on his end (4 & 6), one daughter on my end (11) and a 5 month old baby girl together.

Before we got together, I was single mother for 7 years, I had my daughter when I was 16. I was finishing school and working so my parenting style was tough. I needed her to be more independent.

Anyways, my step sons are far from that. They NEED alot, at first I wasnt used to that, my daughter could make her own breakfast at 5 but I learned to adapt but my husband and I clash alot when it comes to certain things. His father wasnt the best AT ALL. And hes determined to be everything to his kids that his father wasnt for him. So he goes a mile and a half for our kids and sometimes it's too much. So this brings me to my problem.

One of our biggest problems right now, is that the boys do not know how to put themselves to sleep. They are at our house 3 days a week so it's not like this is a problem that I dont have to worry with often.

The oldest one isnt that bad, but he cant sleep if the tv isnt on. Which I think is ridiculous and a waste of money but I dont even bother with that, it's the youngest. Every night hes in our bed. I have stressed to my husband for years how this is a problem for me. I dont even want the kids in our room, much less our bed! But every night hes in there, if he falls asleep and my husband puts him in his bed, hes back within the hour in our bed. I'm over it

We are in marriage consulting for other matters and this came up and even the therapist said this is an issue he needs to address. He agreed in front of her but as soon as we got home we are back to where we started. So I'm pissed and we argued. He said, " just because you dont give a damn about the kids feelings (referring to how I raised my daughter) doesnt mean I dont either. I actually CARE about my kids" I told him he cares more about sleeping with his kids than his wife and if he wants to sleep with them so badly go in their room and do it. and now hes sleeping in the boys room with them. Was I wrong?? Am I blowing this out of proportion? In my opinion, this 4 almost 5 year old is way too big to be sleeping with us, I just cant take it anymore!