This is my Story...

I am so excited to be a mother one day. My family always told me I would be so great as a mother. My loving boyfriend, whom I've spent almost 3 years with and I had gotten pregnant in December 2018. I was 5 weeks when I had ordered an adorable glass frame for my parents to be surprised with a sonogram to break the news, and my best friend a cute ass shirt staring she was gonna be an aunty... One week later I had a miscarriage and 2 packages on my doorstep that are still enclosed with these very special gifts... I remember coming home from work after being crampy and anxious all day. I had a gut feeling. I laid on the couch as my boyfriend rubbed and kissed my belly. Our lil "bean" we were so excited. I got up, and when I wiped there was bright red blood. I remember sitting in the waiting room sobbing, thinking we were that couple in the movies.... losing something so fresh and new. I broke, I bawled as they told me I miscarried and my levels low as 3. 8 months past and I wonder what it would be like today. Every child I look at breaks my heart, but also gives me a smile thinking what could have been. Jake, my boyfriend mentions a family and baby every week or more. Although I am young, I feel ready. Even though I am terrified of what could happen again, there is a part of me that feels empty and jealous of others. No, I dont think I need a baby in my life to be happy, yes it would probably be nice to wait. My mother always told me if you miscarry it's just gods way of telling you it's not your time, this has always stuck with me. It makes me sad, but hopeful that one day I'll have my time