HELP ME

so i am coming to the conclusion that after my first child was born i developed PMAD my whole relationship with his father was nothing but abuse and cheating and then i finally got strong enough to call it quites but while i was giving birth he was cheating on me and he even threatened to take him away from me if i didnt quit bitching about it and on top of that my child had to be sent to a different hospital to be in NICU and he was there over a month and spent 4 years taking medication. in the years following he had manipulated me into signing every other week over to him which was hell and for the past 4 years i found myself always tired, i dont want to be around other people id rather be alone and in the past it has even affected my parenting, i always feel so drained . FAST FORWARDING —- i am engaged, i have been with him for almost 2 years my sons father isnt in the picture anymore I moved 2000 miles away out of state as well as i am pregnant with my second child. i have less that 3 weeks left and i understand that the closer i get to birth i get things will start to change but i feel like maybe im having pre pmad it feels and as if i fear history repeating itself except instead of just the exhaustion and wanting to iscolate i also have really bad anxiety attacks and panic attacks and i snap over the silliest of things and i dont know what to do or how to make it go away