Painful smile



Not sure where to post this. I am feeling like I need to rant. My husband and I have been TTC for 15 months now. There is nothing more in the world we want than to be able to have our own children. So as much fun as it has been it has also been my saddest moment.

Month after month there was deception. Not only is it hard enough but to add the cherry on top of the cake, everyone around me is pregnant or delivering.

June came around, and guess what ? NO PERIOD! First time ever I was this late. Of course you get excited, took a test 10DPO and negative. Well I decided to keep my spirits up and say every body, every woman is different.

I have tested a few times more and still negative :(. Figured ahh well takes time and I’m just to excited. And then...

6 weeks later, auntie flow showed up. I cried & cried. Came into work and my

Colleague announces she’s expecting! I’m thrilled for her ! Until she tells me “ it was a walk in park, we had it twice unprotected and boom”. So I smiled through the pain.

We don’t know what we are each going through and she has the right to be through the moon and I’m glad she had it easy. However, we spoke about it ; the great sentence came

Out “ when it’s your time god will let

It happen”.

Indeed I guess, I mean out of all people you understand the most about the difficult journey through TTC. You know the pain, the disappointment and the fear that something might be wrong .... and then the kicker “ I never really wanted kids” so I smiled and said count your blessings.

Walked away smiling through the pain.