First post and feeling so upset with myself

So here goes: I’m 34 years old mother of two(17 and 12) lupus warrior. I’ve come to realize that I’m dealing with depression bc of my weight. I’ve gained 50lbs in 3 1/2 years. When I met my boyfriend I was 170 and only wanted to lose 10lbs. Today I’m 215 and I want to cry and hide. He never makes me feel bad about it he is great, he’s just concerned with my health with me having lupus. We had a Miscarriage Aug 2017 and I think I hit that depression wall then. I keep gaining and gaining, also it’s seem like my blood pressure gets lower and lower as I gain weight it’s weird. Today it was 98/68 🤦🏾‍♀️

I want to gain the confidence I once had, I want to fit in the clothes I put in the guest room closet. I want to be healthy and fit I just don’t know how to get out of this funk. He works 7 days a week, I work 5 and the kids are always in sports. We Eat on the go 80% of the time. I’m scared that I will be 250 over night, now that I’m enrolled back in school. I can’t let myself get to that point, my health and mental health can’t take it.

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