3 Years Come and Gone..

Mikayla • Mother of One 🌈👶🏻 Happy with me 💕

I’ve been with my (soon to be ex) husband for almost 3 years now. We met while he was stationed in San Diego in 2016 and our love soared 💕

When we met, he was still waiting for his first divorce to be finalized, which probably should have been my first red flag. Until he met me, he was still trying to make things work with her. Fast forward two months and now he’s deployed. You know how honeymoon phase type love is, it was a hard 7.5 months but we made it through. Three months go by and I find out I’m expecting a little bundle of joy (I’ve had multiple miscarriages beforehand so we were excited for our sticky bean)

And that’s when the cheating began. At least, from what I had caught. The ex-wife, the websites, all the random numbers and snapchats, it built up until one day I cracked and went through his phone. My pregnancy wasn’t easy, I was bed ridden for quite a bit of it and I was 21 and scared. So I stayed. We got married and had our beautiful baby girl in March of 2018. I moved halfway across the country (from Southern California to the Midwest) so he could see his first born more often, leaving all my family and friends behind. I dove into work, being a full time employee on top of a full time mom, he joined the railroad and was gone for such a long time. He started paying attention to me less and to his phone more. This went on for months and when I finally caught a break, I went to visit my best friend of nearly 10 years just this last February (Midwest to North Carolina). I spent a week being harassed and accused of the worst things by my husband just because he thought I would try to get revenge. After I returned he spent a month contacting my friend, his exes, his friends and family as well as my own mother trying to “get dirt” on me. He almost drove to see this friend and “have a drink!” (Mind you, thats an 18 hour drive across the country) but his car breaking down stopped him.

I ended up going to see my other best friend (back in California) to escape the frustration. It was there that I found out I was having an ectopic pregnancy and needed immediate surgery (internal bleeding, the whole 9 yards) I had called my husband to break the news...and he wanted to call me the next day because he was out with friends and didn’t know what to say about the situation, but wished me luck on the surgery.

I asked for a divorce and that was that.

I started a new job, where I’m still at now and that I love, and out relationship seemed to be going well. We started counseling per his request and we were making progress. Because our sex life died (and with me being emotionally done with our marriage) I told him to feel free to see other women and he took up the opportunity not even an hour later. He went out for random hookups for two weeks straight and I was actually unbothered and happy his frustrations were being solved.

Then, I hung out with a couple of coworkers (guys, who are younger than me but we play video games) and my husband went off the deep end, threatening suicide and even being put on a psych hold because how dare I go out and hang out with friends. I was a terrible mother, I “neglected” our child (who I raised alone for months while juggling full time work) and that he does everything for me while I sit on my ass and do nothing. This was one night. I wasn’t gone for more than 3 hours.

I wanted to try and stay because I didn’t want my daughter growing up going between houses, so I stayed again still. Then I found him talking to a barely 18 year old from Texas and that was it.

I knew he would never change. I deserve better and my daughter does not need to grow up with a sick and twisted version of what love is and should be.

So here I am, age 22, ready to become a single mother. And I’m okay with that. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can breathe again. I’m learning to love myself and raise my daughter to love herself just the same. Know your worth ladies, don’t settle for less than what you deserve