I really can’t do this anymore 🙄🙄

Guys, I’m honestly at a loss for words. I just need to vent.

My husband and I have been through a lot in our first year of marriage. Just living with someone you didn’t love with before is a lot to get used to.. and then throw an unexpected pregnancy and miscarriage in the midst.. its a lot. Like A L O T.

We’ve really struggled the past few months. Our family vacation with my parents resulted in us fighting every other day, he blew up on me on our date night for my birthday.. stormed off and refused to be near me because I told him that probably when he stops focusing on wining a championship, his team will win. That’s literally it. It was a week from hell. I couldn’t wait to come home. It was so embarrassing to have him refuse to come and eat dinner with us.. my parents love us so much and paid for us to go with them, and I feel like he ruined it and acted like a bitch.

We fought on the beach one night for like an hour. He was so mean and said some really nasty things about the miscarriage.. it really, really hurt. But I will say, things have been a tiny bit better than before.

I’ve suggested counseling for like months, but he says that counseling is for people who are heading towards divorce.

Honestly, I don’t even know if I can continue in this. He’s so manipulative. One minute he’s telling me how I don’t clean anything in this house, the next he’s telling me all I do is pick up after him and that’s not right and he needs to do a entree job.

I’m not perfect, trust me. I struggle to communicate how I feel, but IM AFRAID TO because I don’t want to create another fight or have him get upset and yell.

For example. I asked him earlier and even prefaced it by “You don’t have to say yes” if I could stay in our bedroom and work and watch bachelor in paradise. He said he would put head phones in, and I said no it’s fine, I wanted to be alone. Well, he got mad because I didn’t tell him first that I wanted to be alone.. so it backfired in my face anyway.

I feel so alone.. I don’t have anyone I trust to talk to.. I could cry right now because I feel like I’m the worst wife.