I survived

This is my story.

A couple years ago I was raped by my cousins husband. But I never told the truth about what happened because I was scared. My family doesnt know he ever touched me but they do know that I was persuaded into sending him a picture of me in a bra. He kept it and my cousin found it. I was 17 and he was 29. I've never dated before or even held hands with a guy before. Still without questing all my family on my mom's side disowned me. I became numb. I blamed myself harder and harder every day. I should of fought harder. I shouldn't of been so naive. This just made me not want to talk even more. I was afraid to say anything to my friends because I was afraid to loose them to. But I needed to talk. So I went onto a app were you talk to people annominously. That's when I met him and we started talking every day. We met up in person and slowly day by day I told him my story. He then opened up my eyes that I was raped and that none of it was my fault. I still blamed myself though. Shortly after I met him he left to bootcamp since he was joining the navy. The one person who I felt safe to talk to was now gone. We sent letters when we could but it was very little thanks to the military. While he was at bootcamp my mom ran her mouth about the photo of me in a bra to one of my friends mom. My friend heard and got mad and told another friend who told another friend. They started to disown me to besides one friend who was still mad but tried to listen. Everyone was disgusted in me. I was disgusted in myself. I just got a new job around this time and my job became my safe place and the people there treated me like family. I worked at a plant nursery and applying for this job became one of my best decisions. But still when I went home and went to school life hounted me. I felt like everything would be better without me. I knew I was going down hill in my mental health and it scared me. I now only weighed 110lbs. I started to wake up at 5am every morning just so I could drive to the river with my dog and watch the sunrise with her. I needed something to look forward to every day. I still was planning how I would end this. It just hurt to live. I was all alone. I was numb. I couldnt even cry anymore. I knew where i was going to do it. In that hay field next to my house right next to that man made well. I knew when I was going to do it. When my parents left for that weekend in april. That weekend came and I got some alcohol so i could do it easier. I drank a lot but all I could do was think of my dog. The one thing who stayed by my side. I started to cry hard. Harder then I ever have. I was screaming and crying for 2 hours strait as i hugged my dog. This was the turning point for me. Soon I got back in touch with that guy who joined the military. We called every day. I then adopted another dog. My coworkers became my second family and I started volunteering at a horse stables. A year later I got engaged to him. And two weeks ago I married him. I move in with him next month and I'm bringing my dog with me. I'm just so proud of myself. I fought with all my heart and I couldnt be happier then I am today.

*** UPDATE ***

I just wanna say thank you to everyone for the crazy support. I was not expecting so much support and there hasn't been a single negative comment. I dont know who you all are but you really made me smile reading all your comments. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and I'm glad it touched a lot of you. Stay strong ladies. We all have a warrior inside.