But I really really want a baby. It's only been two days since I found out that I was going to miscarry (started bleeding today) but the pain is still very fresh. I think I want to try again soon after this, but I'm just so scared. I don't think I could handle another miscarriage, and I definitely don't want to do that to my husband again. Everyone keeps telling me it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel like I let everyone down. I keep googling the chances of having a second miscarriage and a few of the articles have given me hope.. but I know that everyone's different. I just wish I had the answers. I am so heartbroken right now. Mornings are the worst. I wake up and immediately start crying. What makes this so much harder is that one of my close cousins and best friend is pregnant right now and are doing just fine. I didn't even get to tell them that I was pregnant with them. I don't think I will either because I just feel like a failure. I was so excited that our babies would be around the same age though when they're born.

Sorry for the long post. I just really needed to vent to people who understand my pain. No one that I know in real life really understands and that makes me feel so alone, so I haven't really talked about these feelings with anyone else. I'm not really one to share my emotions with people anyways, I've never been good at it. I just feel so heartbroken and so scared for the future.