When will it be my turn.. feeling so defeated

I know everything has its reason but I often ask myself why, what’s the reason. I’ve done everything I can do prayed, trying to eat healthy stay somewhat active.. with a desk job. Seeing a fertility specialist and yet every month I symptom spot, get my hopes up, test and bam bfn and af has arrived. Do I give up or keep trying, I’m 35 already. There is only so much one adult human can handle before they break. I feel like I’m almost there. Not to mention everyone around you has announced they are pregnant and you so badly want to be happy and are but can’t help but feel hurt, angry and upset that you’ve been trying for so long. Is it me, does god just not want me to have a baby. Not sure what his plan is. But I’m slowly fading and not sure If I even feel like recovering. 😔