I dont know what to do
I've been on my own since june..in the process of getting a divorce. Although I'm not in love with my husband anymore I have been mourning the best friend that I lost in him. He changed so much as a person and everything became toxic. Now I'm facing all this on my own and it's harder than I thought it would be.
My mom lives less than 10 minutes down the road from me now. But she recently got married and is trying to redo a house so I've been pushed aside I feel like.
I'm depressed. I'm not in a good place. I can't afford therapy with my insurance. I'm withdrawn, all I want to do is be alone and sleep. I've been trying to get out some but the depression is physically exhausting. I'm financially stressed and having to take on a second job. I've self harmed, although not recently it's been since I've been on my own.
I've confided in my mom that I depressed. That my apartment doesn't really feel like home..its not decorated much yet and I thought it would make me feel better if it was. She told me she would come help me one day, but that was over a month ago. When I tell her I'm struggling with my depression it's like she doesn't hear me. I never talk about my feelings or ask for help so this should be a huge red flag but no one hears me.
I feel abandoned and lost. It's always been this way. I guess I just needed to vent
Edit: meds aren't an option because I have a gene mutation that doesn't allow me to properly metabolize medication. I've been through so many different kinds and brands with terrifying side effects that I won't try anymore and the last doctor I had agreed that I probably couldn't handle another episode of bad side effects