Do you ever have a moment that re-solidifies your love for your partner?

On Monday I went in for my biweekly cervical lengthening, I was 23 weeks and five days, and I had all these plans for the rest of the week as we were supposed to be moving on Friday, and my baby shower was on Sunday. I was in the chair for no more than 20 minutes when I saw the ultrasound techs face go blank and pale.

My doctor soon came in, and did a physical check on me and discovered that I was 1 cm dilated. My cervical length had gone from 3.3 mm a little over a week ago to 1.8 mm. I was rushed to Labor and delivery hysterically crying I called my husband, and explained that he needed to come home very soon because there was a very high probability that I was going to have the baby. He was over an hour away at a different job site, and over the course of that hour I had friends and family pouring in and expressing their love and concern for us, and I was immediately put on magnesium to try and help protect our sons brain.

I was a mess to say the least, my husband took off work the following day and we found out the next morning that I was going to be there till minimum Thursday. The neonatologist came in and told us that our odds of him being born alive let alone healthy because he also has a cleft palate and lip were a lot slimmer because of it, we’re looking at a 17% survival rate and that’s not including all of the disability that come with premies that young. We had a lot to think about and By the end of Tuesday, I broke down. I couldn’t handle it. I started sobbing, my husband got up and held me as I cried into his chest. He crawled into the bed with me, and held me for over an hour as I cried and cried. I told him how much of a failure I felt I was, about how I felt like I failed him and our son. I was so broken.

He held me, kissed me, and told me over and over again how much he loved me, and how he hasn’t met a person who could’ve smiled all day as the doctors told her terrible news after terrible news. He said he was proud of me, and so happy to call me his wife.

We got released today, as my cervix is back up to 3.5! Still moved the baby shower as I’m on bedrest again. I got my IV taken out, and I’m now sitting at home watching the snow fall, cuddling my pup, waiting for him to come home.

I have never felt more loved, and more appreciated than I had in that moment.

Let me tell you, it really helped me get through the last two days of being there alone.

Being pregnant is scary shit man.