Best approach to change someone's mind?

Question

There have been several posts discussing race lately & it got me thinking about the intended messages behind them. I have encountered several woc on Glow that I credit with helping to educate me as a white woman on my ignorance to several issues, especially privilege & racial appropriation. I like to consider myself as open minded & will readily admit that my opinions are absolutely subject to change...that's what growth & improvement mean to me. We all respond differently to opposing opinions...some welcome these "conflicts" with open arms & some are more resistant & defensive. My question to woc is this: If you feel it is your responsibility to educate & facilitate change, is it important to present these ideas/facts/points in such a way that does not trigger defense (I'm not saying facts are more factual when sugar coated, but hopefully you get what I'm saying)? There are so many different ways to say things, & while I do not think you should have to censor yourself all the time when discussing sensitive topics, I do think if your intention is to change minds, it is important to consider the words you choose & your tone in your presentation. 
My second question is for white women: Do tone & presentation play a part in your willingness to listen to a differing opinion regarding race?
If the end goal in these discussions is change, which I believe is important, I thought it might be helpful to openly discuss the best route to take to get to that place of change!

Answer

I try to stay as even toned as possible, I don't call people names or take jabs at them to make them defensive. I've normally state my opinion and am done, I try to be as nice and respectful to everyone on here even if we disagree on things.

Tone definitely works with me, if someone attacks me, responds sarcastically or responds in a aggressive manor I'm not likely to listen and am more likely to go defensive and while staying as civil as possible defend my opinion.

Deema is a good example of someone who is good at talking to me, we disagree on  many many many things but when she brings up her side she does it in a way that makes me want to listen and understand her point of view.

Answer

I have no problem debating racial issues, but the onus is not on me to placate someone because they feel uncomfortable.

This is a debate forum as it is a public forum, so I actually have more respect for you by NOT walking on eggshells around you because I assume that by conversing on the subject you would be interested in a different perspective.

It would be a lot more interesting for me not to have to deal with the same played out lines about why black people have institutions that came about at the time of SEGREGATION and are mad that they believe there's no "white" counterpart when in reality the mainstream version everyone knows is basically it.

They'll claim there are all black colleges like they discriminate (anyone can attend them and non-blacks get affirmative action benefits there), for example. I hear that one a LOT and it's always from someone misinformed.

You can't have a proper discussion about racism without social and HISTORICAL context, but people want to ignore that, among other facts and act as though the past has no bearing on the present or future, or conflate cultural exchange and appropriation as if they're the same thing, or just blatantly stick their fingers in their ears when it comes to race and ethnicity but have no issue discussing how they've been discriminated against for being women.

Again, there's too much focus on the micro instead of the macro and individuals are taking SYSTEMIC racism and oppression PERSONALLY.

I would love to honestly and openly educate people as a WoC here, but when these threads become a clusterfuck of cognitive dissonance combined with confirmation biases and thinly veiled racism I seriously ask myself what the point is. I have facts and psychological, sociological and historical information - let's actually talk because otherwise you're bringing a knife to a gunfight.

Answer

Ah you got me. That's not my goal.

And even if it was, I'm not obligated to sugar coat and handhold women through race conversations.

At this point if you can't understand the difference between discrimination and racism or white privilege and spoiled, I'm going to point that out and leave you to figuring out the definition before we continue. Honestly.

There needs to be a pre-requisite to racial conversations, so y'all understand some of the basic lingo. Then we can stop arguing about semantics and get to saving the world already. 😒

Answer

I'm honest and respond in a tone that many don't like. And it's not what they want to hear. I don't sugar coat. And I like when others do not as well.

Answer

In topics about race, I try to explain information in an even, objective tone, but I feel like it doesn't matter what tone you use because many people on glow seem to practice selective reading, in order to argue and try to prove why they are right and you are wrong. 
What I mean by is that let's say we were talking about racism in general. I can make the statement "black people can't be racist on the systemic level, but can absolutely be racist on the interpersonal level." Someone would only see that as "black people can't be racist" and then proceed to argue, attack, etc. And someone else mentioned explaining semantics. When you are trying to make a point on a space when you a limited amount of characters, you don't want to waste the time explaining the concepts of systemic v. Interpersonal racism. 
Another thing is that many people just seem to want to go back and forth and not really listen to what's being said, and even try to justify something with a weak example. Like if slavery comes up and someone talks about how bad slavery was in the US. Then someone will say "well white people were enslaved in the Barbary slave trade..." And yes, that is true, but the Barbary slave trade occurred in North Africa, and there are blacks in North Africa but not all North Africans are black. The trans-atlantic slave trade was in West Africa. Also one was more so about religion, the other about money. But in bringing up points like this, people will still fight you word for word.
And before I bring up some points, I even research to make sure I'm saying the right thing and in a respectful way, but that respect isn't always returned. So now I ask myself, why police my own tone? I'm not one for bashing people, name calling, or making rude assumptions about others, especially people online, but sometimes that is what I am met with. I often wonder if I presented my information in a way that was more assertive, would people listen. It's why I try to stay out of racial topics.

Answer

I'll listen to anyone. Anyone with any opinion, fact, etc. But if the opposing person is trying to enlighten me about a Racism issue for example... I don't see why I should listen to them if they're going to bash my race. It happens a lot on here.

I'm told it's not ok to say 'colourblind' because that's the end goal. Personally I can say whatever I like because maybe that is MY end goal. I would rather sit here and say I don't see/have a problem with poc that to sit here and say I do.

I think the problem mainly is the fact that we're communicating purely through text, words can be misread/ read in a different tone/ misunderstood and so on.

But then again I do read a lot of comment and feel as if they have a hidden agenda.

But like I said pr visually, I will willingly conversation with anyone.

Answer

To the OP.....I really like what your trying to say here and agree with you :) I'm all for some of the post creators that are trying to educate, put their gripes and issues down in a way that can open others eyes versus someone who is just clearly closed minded, mad, full of hate, etc.
If someone posts something just bc they are pissed off and feels the need to just blow off steam (maybe making one post) is one thing. We all have stuff that needs to come off our chest at times.
However, when I see someone who is just going around and clearly making 
rude or closed minded, rant like comments starting arguments with every single commenter etc it is disheartening.

I do see maybe 1 or 2 people who say it isn't my place to educate you.......that's fine, no one said it was your personal "job". But honestly, how is ANYTHING going to change if someone doesn't start an open dialogue that can not only educate some but also bring everyone closer together! 
I know many many people have some deep seeded issues, which I get , but instead of always looking at what's wrong and complain about it....why can't we start on a SOLUTION.

Answer

I'm very stubborn and I tend to argue with equally stubborn people lol I'm passionate aboit my beliefs and no one has ever been able to change my mind. There are just some people, like myself, that will not change. I will think I'm right and my opposer will think she's right and nothing gets solved. Gotta pick and choose your battles I guess.

Best approach to change someone's mind?

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