Advice Sincerely Appreciated

Hey y'all. I could really use some advice with my relationship. I'll do my best to keep this post short, but I suppose we'll see 😅

Let's start with a little background. I'm 22 and my fiancé is 32 and we've been together for 2 years and 8 months. We have a one-and-a-half-year-old kiddo together who was definitely a happy little surprise. We got engaged and exactly a week later discovered I was pregnant.

When I was pregnant, my fiancé seemed nervous but excited. But as time went on and my due date was approaching, I started noticing a disconnect with him. But I sort of pushed it aside and assumed it was just the anxiety of a new (and first) baby coming. He didn't want to do parenting classes with me because he said he wouldn't be able to sit still and pay attention for that long. But my fiancé not wanting to do even one parenting class surprised me because he was so concerned about not knowing what to do with a baby, since he had never EVER been around kids and babies.

Then, while in the hospital waiting to have out baby, he seemed like he wanted to go home and kept complaining about being tired and how uncomfortable he was sleeping on those hospital room couches. And he wouldn't even call the nurses for me several times (before and after baby was born) because he was nervous to talk to the nurses and ask them for anything (our birthing room's nurse call button was across the room on the wall, so I would've had to waddle over, or been screwed once I had the epidural). Once our baby was born, he seemed like he wanted nothing to do with our son. He didn't even want to touch him. And he didn't want to cut the umbilical chord. Neither of these things were because he was nervous, he said he just had no interest in it.

From the time our baby arrived, up until today, my fiancé does not act like a dad or a partner. He almost never helps around the house, I always have to ask him to do anything with our son (including just simply interacting with him). He complains when I ask him to give our son a bath or feed him or give me an hour to sleep in on Saturdays. He'll also forget to feed our kiddo if I'm not around (errands and whatnot) or if I actually get that hour to sleep in.

We barely ever talk. We're both busy (he's a technical engineer; aka computer programming sorta stuff) and I'm a full-time student and essentially a stay-at-home-mom as much as I can be. So I already assumed I would be doing some more work with our son and around the house, but I didn't expect to do 98% of the work. My fiancé never cooks and only ever wants to order food out. I'll cook a meal and he won't be happy with it because he says it doesn't sound good, and say we should save it for later in the week and order food. He is constantly buying silly little things and then complains about money issues.

There are also old issues between his mother and I, but we won't get into all of that. Just know my fiancé will choose his mother over our son and I 9 out of 10 times.

I can tell he cares about us, but it doesn't seem like it's in a fatherly or partner sort of way. It's more like a distant relative who feels they have to love us, but could kind of move on from us with no problem.

I've tried talking to him about all of this and we've done couples' counseling. But nothing ever changes. If it does, it's for a week and then he goes back to his old ways.

I just don't know what to do. I'm so unhappy and my kiddo rarely wants anything to do with his father. In my heart, I know I would be happier leaving my fiancé. But I'm terrified because I don't know how I'll handle it financially and I don't know if I could handle only having 50/50 custody of my son (our state is 50/50).

If any of y'all have any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you so much if you read through this whole thing. I hope it wasn't too long and I hope it all made sense. 💖