I feel PATHETIC!

It’s true ( no, I’m not depressed). Lol

I have been married 6 years and last summer I found out my husband has been seeing someone else off and on OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP! The whole 7 years!!!! I saw their messages. Read how he talked to her and treated her. This was a side of him I have never seen. NEVER. I mean the man has never even made love to me. We’ve never cuddled and watched a movie together. He’s never held me. I’ve never got good morning messages or greeted with a smile. No hugs just because. No romance at all. I would try and sit in his lap and be loving the first few years and he would go what are you doing so id just get up. When we had sex it was always me face down and straight up F’n. Never sweet, passionate or romantic. I just assumed he wasn’t that type of guy when it comes to emotions and feelings. Well when I caught him last summer I learned that it isn’t he’s not that guy, it’s that he isn’t that guy with me. Yes, I know there are two sides to every story but when I tell y’all I am a good wife, I am not lying. I do everything for this man. I cook for him, clean for him, pack his lunch, never deny him sex, keep the house clean, i make sure the bed is made before he gets in it at night. I don’t nag him. All this man has to does is eat, sleep, work and have sex when he wants. Y’all may be thinking well maybe it’s an attraction thing. No, I’m not the most beautiful thing but I am attractive and have never had an issue with that. He even had an issue with my career as a loan officer at a bank because men would hit on me.. I know it’s not that. Well anyways... as you guessed I forgave him and decided to work on our marriage. We have children and I also was raised that divorce is the very last option. He begged me not to tear our family apart and promised all of these things... so I decided to stay and make it work. Well when I would try to talk about the affair so I could have some closure, he would get super defensive and not want to tell me anything about it. I’m not a confrontational person so I would never approach or reach out to the other person. Yes, she knew he as Married with a family. I just needed to

Understand although I knew I never would but it hurt when he would get angry at me and refuse to talk about it. I felt like he was protecting her. So I just stopped and was like ok I decided to stay and forgive him so I need to let it go. Well every day that has passed, I have waited patiently ... to see that side of him. I don’t nag or ask. I continue to love, support and be a good wife to him and his needs. Well after over a year of desiring that and receiving nothing, I got a little bitter and brought up the affair in an angry heated manner. Well after taking a step back, I told him I was sorry for acting that way and we talked about my feelings and why I was upset. Well here we are a few days later and NOTHING has changed. He still hasn’t shown me any affection like that. It’s the typical everyday kiss goodbye I love you. Everyday I wonder is this the day he will send me that random text from work that says thinking about you or a hug just because... you know the little things... nope nothing. I’ve wondered for so long what is wrong with me??? He clearly is that type of guy, just not with me. I mean I’ve seen and have the proof. Telling her she’s beautiful (he’s never once told me in 7 years I’m beautiful). Telling her she deserves to wake up every day with a smile on her face and how special she is to him and all these other things and ways he isn’t with me. Seriously what is wrong with me? I’m so kind and caring. I meet his every need. If he doesn’t like what I wear I change or if he doesn’t like how I style my hair I do something different... I really do my best to be a good wife and make him happy. No, he isn’t abusive. He takes very good care of our family and gives me anything I want except him emotionally and physically. I get along with his family, they adore me. If you’ve read this far I am sorry for the blabbing lol and I am getting ready to end the vent or whatever this is .. so back to the PATHETIC ... for the first time in my life I felt pathetic today. As I’m home cleaning our house and taking care of the life we’ve built together hoping this would be the day he would love me.. I realized what’s wrong with me... IM NOT HER & I NEVER WILL BE HER. But here’s what I really don’t understand... he met her a month before me and was actually seeing us both in the beginning before we exclusive ... why did he pick me and not her? Why marry me if she is so special to him and means so much?? Why not be with her??? I feel so stupid and pathetic to continue to seek that, knowing he will never feel that way about me