Hi all,

I’m new to the group! I’d like to give a back story before jumping right into my questions and concerns.

I’m 21, almost 22. I first found out I was pregnant when I was 19, and had my sweet little boy in May of 2018. Of course, my whole pregnancy I was excited to try and go natural, but unfortunately being “young and dumb”, as they say, landed me in getting an epidural, to which my sons heart rate dropped and they couldn’t get it back. When I was given my epidural, I was told my blood pressure dropped and from there I was rushed into emergency c section, and due to me freaking out (literally freaking out, like on the verge of crying and in distress) they put me under. Low and behold, the cord had wrapped out his neck twice and his body once!

My doctor told me my uterus looked amazing for having a c section, everything looked top notch, you literally couldn’t tell it was an emergency.

Fast forward, here I am a year and a half later post partum and DH and I want to try again, but my fear of attempting vbac is at an all time high.

I know the risk of uterine rupture, and I just know it would be my shitty luck that something tragic like that would happen to us.

My questions and concerns are: would I be stupid to take a safer option and just have a planned c section? What are the chances of surviving uterine rupture?

I love my life, I love my dogs, my child, my husband, my family, and just the thought of having something happen to me from birthing a child seems unbearable.

Is it okay to feel this way? I feel selfish for saying I don’t want to bring another kid in this world so that I won’t die... I feel like I’m exaggerating.

Why do I feel this way, and why am I having such an awful time coping with it?