My bittersweet pot of gold 💙

Let me begin by saying this post is so bittersweet and LONG! This is my last birth story; my last miracle I grew inside of me. Here is some back story to help you understand.

My first son was born 7 years ago and it was a hard pregnancy with bed rest from 18 weeks till birth only to be complicated by meconium in my water and a listless baby who they had to work on for some time and was nearly intubated due to this (no, I didn’t take the midwives brew). I was so naive then but reality hit me a year later when we lost our first child. This was followed by two more losses, multiple doctors saying I was “fine” and ultimately a thyroid tumor that was found and removed. I had switched practices by this time and my midwife was hesitant on my next pregnancy as she did not know the extent the tumor had on my body.

Low and behold, I fell pregnant again only to watch on the screen as my baby struggled to live and ultimately his heart stopped beating as we watched. Talk about broken. I was a shell of a human being walking around. I reluctantly pursued a reproductive endocrinologist referral and after months of testing, my problem was found. Several months and medications later, I was pregnant with my rainbow. The fear was overwhelming as I held my breath as if expecting something horrific to happen. But it never did and I got to pull my miracle onto my chest and thank the Lord above for this blessing.

That was three years ago. I thought we were done having children and our marriage was struggling at that time. Infertility had casted it curse on not only my body but my relationships as well with my marriage being its main target. Even in my emptiness, my husband never gave up and he loved me when I didn’t deserve it. Once again, God blessed me tremendously.

At the end of last year I made an appointment to have my tubes tied and when I told my husband he hesitated. After much discussion and prayer, we agreed to take this journey one more time. It was hard not to fear another loss. We didn’t even tell anyone about our decision as I didn’t want to jinx anything. I work full time and am at the end of my full time masters degree program as well but with my history, we figured it would take some time to get pregnant. WRONG! Second month trying and there was my clear positive. I tried to stay hopeful. I prayed, a lot! And at my first ultrasound I saw my dancing, precious baby and was overcome with joy. I refused to be scared this time. Fear was beneath me.

At my 20 week ultrasound, I was honestly wishing for a girl as I wanted to name her Anne-Lise after my beloved grandmother. One look at the screen though and I realized that I was once again a boy mom. Obviously, I was just elated to have a happy and healthy baby boy. The rest of my pregnancy was uneventful until the last six weeks when I developed SPD to the point I was dragging a leg and could not dress myself or my children. They took me out of work and decided to induce me early due to this.

We went to the hospital on Saturday November 16th at 1:30 and Cytotec was inserted at 4:30. Within an hour I had consistent, couldn't talk/walk through, contractions every 3 minutes that progressed rapidly. My last labor was natural and I hated every second of it. That may have been because it was a precipitous birth. Call me different, but that's just me 🤷🏼‍♀️ Once I could no longer bare the pain, I got the epidural which was AMAZING 🙌🏻 I got comfortable with a peanut ball and relaxed with my husband, but that didn't last long.

I woke up and immediately needed to vomit. With my other labors, this was indicative that I was fully dilated. Both my nurse and midwife came in to give me medication for my nausea. My midwife said once I felt better she would check me and break my water. Right at that moment, a loud pop rang out and I flooded my bed and the floor as my water broke. As I pulled back the covers all I could see was meconium and the tears began to fall. Fear overtook me and my entire body began to shake. Not only had I seen my first son listless body being worked on due to meconium aspiration but I'm also a nurse and the amount of information I know is dangerous in situations as these. What was different about this situation was that my midwife and nurse called in every team they had so that if any complications arose, he would immediately be cared for. Nearly 20 people later in my room and I started pushing. Two pushes later and his head was out. My midwife suctioned him well and told me to give another soft push in which the rest of his body delivered. He was lifted to my chest and my midwife quickly milked his cord and my husband cut it. He was pink and crying but the NICU team took him over to the isolette and deep suctioned him. He ended up pooping and peeing on all of them...several times 😂

I’m not going to lie, I was so looking forward to delayed cord cutting and him immediately on my chest for the first hour but his health was far more important to me. After 15 minutes they placed him right on my chest and my heart was happy. They checked him every 30 minutes for two hours and he successfully latched and fed within the first hour of birth. I look at him and I’m simply in awe of this beautiful being my husband and I created. My heart bursts with love while it is also saddened that this is our last child as I had my tubes tied in the hospital. Oh, did I mention during this procedure I felt the first cut?! Yea...that was fun 🙄 but a different story. It’s been eight days since you were born and although I’m exhausted and hurting from breastfeeding, I would do it all again. Elijah Ryker, born November 17th at 01:21 am, 7 pounds, 8 ounces and 20 inches long....my pot of gold at the end of my rainbow, you are so very loved and cherished 💙