Needing advice: Mother in law

Warning: long story!

So I’m not sure if I’m just needing to vent or needing advice or even to find out if I’m over reacting but here it goes..

My mother in law and I had a wonderful relationship UNTIL my husband and I became pregnant after roughly 3/4 years of TTC. At first she was nothing but excited and happy for us, and happy that she would finally have a grand baby that she would be able to be in their life from the beginning (I had a child before my marriage, which my husband ended up adopting, my husbands whole family has always treated my child no different) then problems began...little backstory my husbands parents are divorced and re-married. So my MIL HATES my husbands Step mother still 16 years later, my MIL also lives 7+ hours away from us but my FIL and wife live 20 min away.

Obviously we spend more time with my FIL. Okay now back to the purpose of this post, problems began when my MIL was continuously talking crap about my FIL and his wife. I asked her to please stop because they are a part of our lives and the stress of her trying to make us choose her over my FIL was bumming me out. I explained to her that I’m not choosing sides ever and that my children would be around everyone who treated them with love. I had to have this conversation with her 3+ times until it got to about 2 months before having my baby and I told her look if you aren’t going to respect us then you can’t come I don’t need this stress. So she “stopped”. She then started with saying that she is the mother and she should come first “blah blah blah” so I told her, look I’m sorry but we are married and have children, WE come first. Yes you’ll always be his mother but the family you create is priority over the family you come from. She stops talking to me and pretty much was only talking to my husband saying that I was excluding her from our kids lives 🙄 and then says that she knows I talk to my mother that way but I cannot talk to her that way. So my husband told her “no, she just isn’t going to put up with your BS and she’s not going to sugar coat it anymore, she had to ask you several times on top of me already asking you” well a few Months have gone by since having our baby, she came and visited, said she would be here to help, didn’t really (much), and left. Had called a few times to talk to the babies or ask if we can buy her plane tickets for the holidays (mind you she asked if we could buy her a plane ticket to come to my baby shower and also a plane ticket for when the baby was born which we bought one) so here was the most recent thing that irked me. She’s on the phone with my husband and he tells her he was going to hang up to spend time with us(he works out of town and we only see him a few days a month) so she says “Oh you mean your other family” I lost my shit and said “Other family!!?, we are THE FAMILY, we come first maybe someone else is the OTHER FAMILY now”.

Other things that bother me but are I’m just going to simplify for the sake of time

1. She always tries to kiss my husband on the lips and he has to like move his head to the side BUT I JUST THINK ITS WEIRD to continue to kiss your child on the lips when they are an adult and are obviously uncomfortable with it.

2. She wanted to be in the delivery room and got upset when I said sorry only one person can be in there and it’s going to be my husband. (Even my own mom wasn’t upset)

And

3. Any time I say something about who our baby looks like or what we think our baby got from my husband she always says “you mean he got that from me” “he has grandmas _____.” Or those are my_____” If my daughter has my nose and I got my nose from my dad my dad doesn’t say “that’s not your nose, it’s mine” you know? Idk. Lol

Long vent over, thanks for listening 😂