This is the first time that I'm posting here. I feel so ashamed, broken and utterly alone. I am ashamed to find myself in this type of situation. I'm in an abusive relationship. Not physically abusive but verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive. I know what you all are going to say, it's the same thing that I would have said to any of you! I realize now that I'm writing this, how much easier it is to give advice, to tell someone to leave but I never imagined how hard it would be to actually do it myself. So let me start from the beginning. We met online and fell madly in love. This past year and few months have been amazing until the 2nd of November. On the 2nd of November, he suddenly changed and became cold and distant without any explanation. I'm baffled because in October we talked about moving in together and he had even slept over and left the afternoon before (Nov 1st). He has become distant in every sense of the word. We used to see each other ALL the time, go out etc and we also used to have sex on a regular basis. We are very sexually compatible and both always in the mood. But now we no longer see each other and we haven't had sex since Nov 19th. He has insulted me in the worst possible way, I can't even imagine why he would say such horrible, hurtful things to me out of the blue! We had our very first argument once but that was resolved and we were fine. But he has suddenly become savagely cruel to me. I have asked him more than once to explain what's wrong but he just shuts down, gets very agitated and aggressive and tells me that he's tired. He still calls me every day when he's at work during his free time and he calls before and after lunch. He also calls me every night when he leaves and sometimes he calls me in the morning when he arrives. I've told him already that I know that he no longer loves or wants me and that he really should just tell me. I ask him why he doesn't have the courage to tell me the truth but he insists that I am wrong. He says that I have no idea what's really going on and that if he didn't love me he would have blocked me on everything and that he would no longer call or answer my calls. But actions speak louder than words. He says one thing but his actions clearly show otherwise. I've asked him if he's met someone else and he keeps saying no. He gets very upset when I ask him that saying that I'm irreplaceable and how can I think that I'm just a thing he can replace. But I know for a fact that there's someone else. That's the only logical explanation. If he's not lying about meeting someone, he's obviously back with an ex or an old acquaintance. He has denied that too but I have started to believe that everything he tells me/has ever told me is a lie. For those of you who think he is married well you are partially correct. When we met he was separated and in October he went to a lawyer to file for divorce. He went to the same lawyer who did the first one. I had asked him more than once if she wasn't going to give trouble for the divorce and each time he said know, she was very on board. Do yall think that his sudden hostility has to do with her?

Btw his mother died at the end of last month and he's saying that it's because of that that he's become like this but he's been like this since the beginning of last month. I want to leave him, I really do,my heart is shattered. I cry all the time, I cry myself to sleep and wake up in the middle of the night crying. I feel broken, rejected and used but I am soooo in love with him that my love for him is irrational. He knows this and is using it to his full advantage. I can't bear the thought of him choosing her over me, him getting back with her.... She is a horrible, hateful person. She had so many awful things to say when she found out that he had met someone I honestly think that she has managed to poison him against me. She has no children but he has 2 with his first wife. He has promised me so many things and now he doesn't even want to see me? He claimed that he does and that it bothers him not to see me but clearly the opposite is true.

I feel sooooo stupid and worthless.

PS: I forgot to mention that I am also divorced. When I met him the divorce was almost finalized and I never thought that I'd find love again; especially not so quickly. Now looking at what's happening now, I wonder more than ever if my divorce wasn't a mistake and I bitterly regret it. I know that one has absolutely nothing to do with the other but my mind is all over the place.