I feel pushed away and I don’t understand

So my boyfriend and I live 40 minutes away from each other. He wants to move to Colorado and me to come. But he wants to have a baby first, then move, get settled, and then married. First of all that’s not how I’m wanting to do this considering I have a daughter here in Memphis that’s only 6 and her dad still in her life.

My bf and I haven’t spent hardly any time together since the week of thanksgiving due to his circumcision he had done on the 1st of this month, his odd end jobs, and his mom being a bitch about me being there. So I been hurting for a month now, emotionally.

Yesterday he informed me that him and his best friend Austin are leaving on the 22nd to scope out Colorado and I wasn’t included or invited. I caused a scene bc this is my future too, and I never been to that state and would like to see for myself too. He said I could go if I pay my own way bc he can’t afford it. Yeah no shit? The tickets have gone to $400 so neither can I!

He wants me to stay with him tonight, however I’m so hurt over this trip that I don’t really want to see him. He doesn’t see any wrong in this. I know he can’t cheat bc his dick is stitched up, but I was completely excluded and now have to spend Christmas and New Years alone.

Also he’s upset bc I don’t want him putting a baby in me until we are married, and his excuse is he’s almost 30. Well I feel the baby is a bigger commitment so what’s the problem?

Anyways, I’m under so much stress, I haven’t ate or hardly slept in a week! I’m shaking and feel really confused. Should I drop this mf or what? He doesn’t seem to show me the love he once use to, he just says he loves me. We all know that’s not enough.  and he blames his dick is hurting. Sure he’s not lying, it looks painful. But I feel like my emotions are not any concern of his. Why can’t I have my way too? This is supposed to be about us