I just need to rant

I told my husband that I’m thinking about divorce. Why?

Because a lot has changed since I met him, which is normal, but I’m not happy.

I met him and boy was he the funniest , most outgoing man I’ve ever met, yes.

But he was depressed so he got on antidepressants and I didn’t like it but some people need it more than others so I just supported him through it.

That’s when he stopped caring. He used depression as a excuse to spend money, I mean right now we are 30k in debt and I can’t even tell you where most of that has gone. He wouldn’t stop spending and we weren’t married yet so I had no right to take his cards.

You would of thought that was a red flag but I kept remembering who I met first and how he was still deep down the same person and we were gonna be alright.

I stopped and put my career on pause to pay for our wedding because he wasn’t helping. And that is my fault, i was to sweet and forgiving. I put my college on pause and got a full time job.

Well now because of his depression his career is about to end. Things has happened and he’s under a tight watch and evaluation. And he is most likely going to lose his job and a lot of money.

Last month he was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts, that’s the main reason and y’all I was heartbroken, I support this man a little to much, I was at the hospital everyday twice a day whenever they’d let me in.

And for what? He even said I’m totally fine, I wanna go home. He won’t help himself, he has suicidal thoughts when he has to go to work because he doesn’t like his job, okay get over it. Because you haven’t done anything to help yourself succeed your mad your stuck in the same position it’s up to you to get out of this.

He only gets suicidal at work I realized. And plus I also believe it’s a side affect from the 3 medications they have him on, shouldn’t all be mixed.

I live with a man who if I try to explain how I feel he hits the depression card. Yeah well I’m depressed to, you’ve seen me beg for my life to be taken but where am I ? I’m up, supporting you, taking care of you and you talk down to me?

I think I’m a pretty awesome wife. I literally take care of him. I do his laundry, I cook for him, I clean his mess because he won’t, I take the trash out, I take our animals out, and clean them, I have to call and make sure he’s okay twice a day, and what do I get? Attitude.

I work full time, leave at 7am get home at 7pm to cook and clean, sometimes the store is just a horrible idea for me when I’m exhausted. Ask him to go? Nope he don’t wanna ( his exact words ) ask him to clean up? Come home to pizza boxes and dishes everywhere and he claims he cleaned, ask him to cook because I’m sick? Nope, don’t wanna.

I get so tired of hearing “I don’t wanna” this is a team work. I show you support and team work I’ve shown you what a wife does, show me what a husband does.

Oh and sex? Never will I ask again because now he says I’m just here for sex because I ask 1-2 times a week. My bad. I get all pretty and get shut down and told “I’m not in the mood I don’t wanna”

It gets old. And I’m tired.

You wanna cry suicide and get put in a program and want to leave early?

You wanna lie and look up females on google (people he use to go to school with” and lie and tell me you don’t know how it got there, you wanna have Snapchat only when I’m not around then delete it when I come around, nope.

I don’t deserve this. I have shown him NOTHING less of a loving wife but when you sit there and not help yourself it gets old. It gets real old when I come home tired, crying from being so tired and I ask him to get off his ass and I get this

I dreamed of being my age, married, a nurse and pregnant and I don’t even see any of this happening.