I resent my mother

My mom and I have a terrible relationship to be honest. It seems like whatever I do is never good enough in her eyes. I don’t get mom talks, I get pastor mom talks 😒. Almost everything is a religious lecture from her and I just want a mom to understand what I’m feeling. I believe in god but now I’m just questioning everything that was taught. Like why can’t people be gay? What’s so wrong with it? Does god not love them too? Why can’t they be happy like straight people? Why is it such a big deal? Why does god have a problem with it? Honestly seems like a controlling life. You can’t have sex before marriage which will be a sin. You can’t live together unmarried because that’s a sin too. It seems like everything you can do without sinning is to be married. She constantly throws that I’m living in sin every time she calls me. She’s so passive aggressive when she text instead of just saying what she wants to say. I can’t tell her how she impacted my mental health cause she’ll call me dramatic and say I’m overreacting. She tells me to talk to her then when I say how I feel it’s oh you’re just complaining about this or that. I never win with her. I don’t mention how she literally shit on my dreams but encouraged my brothers to play football so they can get scholarships. Talk about favoritism. When I went off to college I was thankful I didn’t live with her. It was peaceful and I loved it. Yes she did pay for some but not all. When I transferred to a different school, I was the one who paid for it not her yet she likes to think she did 😬😐.

I can’t cut her off or the others might follow her cause she doesn’t do this shit around them. They all think she’s a saint and trying her best as a single parent 😒. They’re the only family I have, and it sucks i have to even deal with her.

I only mentioned things about people being gay cause my mom is extremely against it and we’ve had arguments about it. My cousin is a lesbian so I was not allowed to hang around her and also for the fact she smoked weed. I think that’s hypocritical since my grandma (her mom) smoked cigarettes and I’m not smoking those or weed 🤷‍♀️.