Trips

Okay so this a long rant because I’m starting to lose my mind.

So here is a little back story:

I got prego in April had our baby girl dec. so my boyfriend and my mom never really got along and I kinda disconnected from my family when I got with him because I was all for being away from my toxic, drama related family (at this time I’m only 20 and he is 30 our age gap has never been a problem for me) so once I told them I’m moving out the whole nine I lost my brand new car like I pretty much gave up a lot of stuff just to be with him and me and my family stopped talking. So fast forward to when me and my mom’s relationship gotten better he started to get mad and was like why are you talking to your racist mother (I’m black and he is white) (he thinks my family is racist and that they don’t like him when in reality they are more mad because I decided to drop everything for a guy I had met a month prior) so he gets all up set and we finally move into our place earlier this year everything was going good that’s when me and my mom’s relationship mainly started. So when I told her she was gonna be a grandma she got excited and was thrilled now my family eh kinda I mean I just turned 21 like I’m their eyes I’m a baby having a baby. So he has only came to about 2-3 appointments just like my mom because of work which I get (yes I work too) but he mostly pays the bills I help out with everything else and pay one bill because I get paid every week so we always use most of my money because we know we are gonna get more anyway. Like I even let my money be put into his account sometimes just because I don’t care whose card it’s on. So we got a cat and I want to go ahead and rehome it for the time being just because my doctor said that many having her rn isn’t a good time and he is all like no the cat won’t do anything blah blah and I’m like yes and today she tried to get all in her face while she is rocking in her swing. Now we have a dog but our dog doesn’t get in her face he pretty much leaves her alone and when she cries he gets all concerned and stuff like he has been barking and growling at the cat to leave her alone. Like he almost bit the cats head off today.

Now present day:

Our daughter is almost 6days old will be come Christmas Day and I want to go see my family which is only a two hour drive from where we live so it’s not that bad and he wants to complain like why can’t they come to us and I’m like because you won’t let them in our house and he is like that’s dumb your always letting them control you since they came back into your life like they don’t care about you or her and I’m just like that’s not true and he always throws stuff back in my face and it’s so aggy. So I had a c section but was put to sleep because it was easier so he got to have the first contact with her and not me and he threw it back in my face saying that’s why I had to have first contact because your never in your right mind. Now that hurt and I cried like I love this man but here he is saying stuff like this like why. He doesn’t think it’s a good idea but come Sunday (he has an 8yr daughter) he wants all of us to drive 4hrs to go get his 8yr old and I’m not complaining she will only be a week and 3 days but he doesn’t have a problem with that and his reason is well she is staying for a week okay and we still gotta take her back so what’s your point we drive 2hrs always and we come back home it’s only for one day the trip to go get his daughter is 4hrs both ways and do I have to go technically no but I’m going because I’m not a horrible step parent and if my step daughter has a request then imma fulfill it like I’m always doing bending over backward for him and his I even told him maybe we can go to his sisters to because it’s on the way there and he said no she can come to us and that’s dumb well fine then I’m just trying to make everyone happy (like I always do) I just want peace I’m not one to start drama or conflict with anyone and he knows that so my question is what the hell should I do because I’m starting to have postpartum just six days in I have cried so much and then another thing when I told him he should sleep with her on the bed because he could smother her he got mad and I told him I didnt just go through all this pain and still going through pain just for you to take her away from me before I even really got to know her and he got mad that I told him she doesn’t need baby powder after every diaper either like it’s stressing me out and I don’t wanna be by him and or let him hold her like I’m starting to become protective of her when it comes to him but like he says I have dealt with children longer than you have

I needed to get that out sorry it’s so long