Where do I begin?

Sept 9th, I went to see my doctor for an update on the arrival of my little girl etc normal routine checkup.. blah blah blah

My midwife checked me to see if I had dilated and I was stretched to 5cm.

This check up was a bit different because my midwife decided to “relax” my cervix which hurt like hell!!!!!!!

She explained to me that I should go into labor within the next 48h. She also said that relaxing the cervix of her patients “always” worked.

BLAH BLAH BLAH

she then told me to go home and start exercising.

So I went home and went hiking🤣

The next morning (7am) I started feeling LIGHT contractions. Downloaded a contraction log app and took a shower. It’s about 8:45am when I called my husband that I needed to go in cause the contractions were getting stronger and more frequent

So he was like LEMME FINISH UP HERE AND ILL HEAD HOME

My contractions were about a minute and 20 seconds long and 3 minutes apart.

I’m trying to finish packing my bag for the hospital all while holding my shit together😩

My husband gets home and sits his ass on the bed like he doesn’t see me in pain and has the nerve to ask me, ARE YOU STILL CONTRACTING

We get to the emergency room at 9am, they see me immediately but I still have to go through the nurses that ask 100 questions😒🙄 they put me in a room within 2 minutes and the doctor comes to check me and I’m 6cm dilated... he tells me he’s going to send me up to labor and delivery to a room they are cleaning up and call my doctor ASAP

I get the gown on while HOLDING MY SHIT TOGETHER... no seriously ... I felt like I had to shit y’all 🙄🙄

I get to the room, lay down.... the labor and delivery doctor checks me and notices that I’m 8cm dilated and my water needs to be broken ASAP

The doctor starts freaking me out cause he starts asking repeatedly WHERE IS MY DOCTOR AT😂

My doctor walks in

I’m on the bed scared as fuck cause it’s all happening so fast, my husband and I have yet to exchange a word from being in shock? I start turning pale and my doctor sits down to check me and says

WE ARE HAVING A BABY RIGHT NOW HUNNY!

I look at my husband ready to cry!!!! Not from the pain but from being in disbelief of everything happening so quick!!!

My husband looked scared😂😂

My doctor pops my water bag and immediately I need to push....

maybe 15 minutes of unsuccessful pushing I ask the doctor and 2 nurses

HOW DO YOU PUSH😂😂😂😂

The nurses looked at me like they were about to slap me😂

My doctor tells me LIKE YOUR POOPING!!!!!!! PUSH OUT YOUR BUTT😂😂

One of the nurses I absolutely loved and hated was treating me like I was in boot camp y’all

My doctor looks at me and says, the baby is stuck!!!!

I’m like WHATTTTTTTTTTTT. Immediately panics

So he tells the nurse to hand him the blade and gives me a 4th degree cut!!

At that moment I felt my little girl sliding out like nothing and the most painful burning sensation ever!!!!! As if ants and fire were down there having a get together

My little girl made her entrance at 10:22am😫

After that day, I experienced the love and baby blues all from my little girl. On top of everything I experienced and had to go through days after with myself as a first time mom and my mom walking out on me while in the hospital and the sleepless nights of breastfeeding, I felt like I needed time from my social media and seeing all of you ladies with your routine 10 year olds, not a baby etc I thought I wasn’t going to ever feel like myself again.

My little one who is 3 months 18 days old today, is my world. She’s my rainbow baby.

It took time to process I was a mom. I needed time to let myself catch up with everything and breathe. Baby blues are no joke. Anxiety is no joke and crying over everything is no joke!!!!!!!

I’m still emotional and I still get anxiety. I’ve ready it can take a year or longer to feel “normal”

Anyways, I’m back and I missed you all