i miss my dad..

I miss my dad.. but he also fucked me up. I’m so scared to get close to anyone because in the end they leave. I haven’t been talking to anyone about how I’ve been feeling but.. how can anyone else love me if my own dad(s) didn’t. I don’t understand what I did. I tried so hard to reconnect and I apologized when I didn’t need to. I know he is so toxic for me and it’s so much better that he isn’t in my life but I do want a male figure in my life who doesn’t abuse me, but i’m also scared because all the ones i’ve had have been abusive. I just don’t know.