Need advice for post partum

I just need to know if anybody else has dealt with this , so I have a 3 year old and when she was born she spent 3 weeks in the NICU I didnt get that skin to skin bonding or bringing her home from birth . I ended up having moments of being angry and not having that bonding thing.. well here I am 3 years later and just had my son 4 weeks ago and he was a preemie came at 35 w 5d and he too spent 3 weeks in the NICU .. well hes been home since last friday ..and on top of it my husband is an over the road truck driver so he left tuesday .. and I feel like I'm having the same problem with my son .. but now irs even more different because I have two. I feel guilty bc my daughter who is 3 wants all my attention but alot of it goes to my son . I am exhausted and still recovering from c section. But am I just stupid or am I just a bad mother . ?? I should be able to do this job in my sleep..and I'm just struggling like I'm constantly questioning myself . Yea I know it's only been a week since hes been home but am I do something wrong . I just wanna cry writing this post..anyone with any advice I'm all ears bc I feel like I'm just not good enough to do this.. like I'm just gonna fuck it up or loose it

My 4 week old son Rowan

My sweet big 3 yr d savannah