I’m ready to scream..... (Long Post)

So my boyfriend works abroad. Me being the confident chic that I am, it never was an issue for me. I never made it an issue for him. I would say that in the last month, things have taken a turn for the worst. Maybe it’s just me?!? I had to get on him about checking in when he’s in for the night. He used to “forget” quite a bit and it bothered me because the work that he does can get dangerous at times. Last week on the day that he was coming home...I was doing laundry. There was a number in his inside pocket of his jacket. It was a female’s number- Yolanda, a number with no area code on it. Yeah, ok.😒 It ruined the whole weekend that he was home. I just couldn’t shake that shit. He claimed he didn’t know what it was for, maybe an informant? We had a huge argument. But fast forward to tonight. Lol Here it is, the next week...and he’s coming back home tomorrow. We were FaceTiming and when he goes in the bathroom, my eyes zoom in on a damn condom! He moves it when I asked what the fuck it was- and I hung up. He calls back trying to explain that his co-worker came in and left it while they were smoking. (So why move it when I said something??) I’m trying to stay calm, but I seriously want to hurt him when he comes home. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have any girlfriends, and I don’t like my family in my affairs. I cut them off basically after my parents died. Am I tripping? I wanted to trust him...but this is a lot. I don’t want to see him tmrw. I feel foolish. 😢😭