Husband grieving and hurting and works it out on me

Long story short.

My husband's ex stole the kids, she's lieing to them and she's limiting contact between them and their father.

Which is putting them back at basically everything because she's letting technology raise them which means that they haven't learnt much real life shit. (brushing teeth, eating with knife and fork, tying shoe laces, they can barely dress themselves and they don't even know how to properly wash themselves, they cannot unbutton pants... These are 2 teens and a middleschooler) borderline abuse, however they get food and drinks and the opportunity to wash themselves and they're not physically abused.. So we can't officially call it abuse 😕

We're taking her to court.. But due to the corona, the lawyer can't do much because courts aren't open. Also they can't enforce anything because the divorce agreement basically states that he only gets his kids 1,5 day every 2 weeks and 4 weeks in summer holidays.. Which is basic agreement and isn't even supposed to be acted upon. They told the notary that they wouldn't but she didn't in all those years of divorce want it changed because "oh we just have to trust eachother, why spend the extra money on it?"

But now she's reducing their visitation to the absolute minimum because she wants 30k from him and he won't give it to her because she doesn't have any claim to it. So she takes the kids away as a way of punishing him for not paying her the 30k.

She also wants that money because she wants to punish him for having a baby with me - I'm pregnant - and he didn't want another baby with her because she wants them for the wrong reasons and she doesn't care for those she already had, that already put a strain on their relationship, but then she also started cheating on him, so she put no more effort into the relationship so their relationship stranded and they both decided it wasn't good, so made the joint decision to leave, he didn't learn until after the divorce that she had been cheating and since he'd moved on he made no point out of it.

Anyways.. So far the short story 🙄

My husband is grieving for his kids.. And so am I, I love these kids. I also want my little boy to grow up with their brothers.

But when I feel emotional.. About something stupid, because I'm pregnant (and underlying probably the stress of this whole shitshow), he makes me feel really bad about it... Because he has to miss his kids all the time.. Which I totally understand because they're his kids! But it's just not an excuse to put me down the way he does.. Because he feels bad.. But when I try to talk about it I cry and go full hysteric mode and can't get any words out..

@Mercedes

I'm not just "having a baby with him" we're actually married and I've been in his kids' life since the youngest was 2 yo.

Every time they come to our house they haven't actually seen a bath, toothbrush or a nailclipper, because their mom refused to cut their nails or she didn't tell them to bathe or wash. That's how every other weekend became every weekend and then became 50% visitation - all unofficial obviously because she could use the spare time and the being free of the kids but making it official would take away her "power" - since we're married and both fulltime working we're both in this journey, joined accounts, joined everything. So he couldn't take her to court without me even if he wanted to because legally we're bound together.

I am however wondering why you're so judgmental about this. Maybe you had some bad experience?