Just need to vent

My husband is 26 and I am 24. We've been married for 3 1/2 years and we have a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old. He is busy but his job is fairly flexible. Like he'll stay home in the mornings till 9 or so if he wants and gets home around 6. We go to bed around 10. Just a background.

Well he is always too tired for sex. I just don't get it. Almost a week goes by and he couldn't care less if we have sex. He doesn't seem to need me sexually like I need him. He always wants me to initiate. I would love to have sex every day. Of course I don't ask that of him. I'm just frustrated. He is only 26 and he doesn't seem to want sex that much. I can't imagine what it's going to be like when he is 40. So recently I asked him when the last time was that he masturbated because I thought maybe that was why he didn't seem to want as much sex. He said he didn't know, even though I had just been super open about my habits. How could you not know that?

I am frustrated. I just want to be close to him. He is not a cuddler. Sometimes I think if he would just cuddle with me I might not feel like I needed sex so much. But here I am almost feeling ashamed of my sex drive. Before I got married I thought he would be so turned on by how much I love sex and how much I want him. (We waited till marriage to have sex) But I don't think that is the case.

In my frustrations I don't want to say hurtful things and make him retreat more from wanting to be intimate. But I am angry and sad. I don't know what to do. It feels like everyone else's husband constantly wants sex and here I am a wife that actually wants it. I wonder what is wrong with me that he doesn't want to have sex with me? It just hurts so much. I am about 30 lbs heavier than I was when we got married but I've had two babies in two years. He has also gained about 30 lbs since we got married and sometimes I think that's part of it. But he refuses to exercise and diet with me.