I'm so lost. I'm so fucking depressed

I left last night, I fucking left. He choked me and pushed me, I have the worst painful gash in my thigh. I'm so sad, I love him. The police are involved, court date is in July. The police charged him and put a restraining order on, i cant see him for god knows how long.. I know it's for the best especially for my 2 year old. But why do I feel like shit? I love that man will all my heart, social services are going to give him information for anger management and most likely close the case. I just feel so bad, I miss him. I love him. It hurts, I regret leaving now and I don't know why. I'm so stressed out, I've vomited. My head is constantly pounding I've cried god knows how many times. I need him back, I need him better. 😭😭 I've been with him for over 5 years, I feel so stupid. I dont understand why I'm so confused.