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Same way with my MIL. I don't like how she already handles her infront of me, even though I am a broken record on saying .. "She likes to be held this way, or likes this song". She doesn't listen. My mother on the other hand, I trust and she follows my routine. To help me out and the LO. ALSO, if I hear "don't you think I can handle it, I raised these kids didn't i" 1 more time.. lol
Help with MIL!!!
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Ho
@B exactly the same here. Like, exactly.
❤️
You’re going to like your own mother/parents handling your babies. It’s natural. They raised you and a lot of the values you plan on teaching your children and all their life lessons are going to be stemmed off what they taught you as well. But seeing as how every parent raises their children differently, the IL family is going to be different to you and you’re not going to be as understanding as easily. No matter what they do good or bad.
M&
Omg! Same here...she says “I raised 7 babies I know what I’m doing”... okay let’s see 🤔 one has been on and off of jail, another can’t get on his feet and the other 5 are in foster care... 👏👏👏 no thanks i can take care of my baby even as a FTM
Have your SO talk to her and explain your feelings to her. Ppd is no joke and you don't need the extra pressure from her. Best wishes to you.
Ja
he should be the one to say something since it is his mother, how would he feel if the roles were reversed?
Ch
Haha right!! I just rather him do it because I know she might not like what I have to say. Their relationship is a lot stronger than the one I have with her
Ja
*mommies.
I am the same way. I HATE leaving my kids with anyone, including my own family. I don't know exactly why. Maybe it's my type a personality and I just don't think anyone will take care of them like I will. I get better once they they older but it's take awhile. I just don't trust anyone. My husband calls me a helicopter parent. I know I'm not that bad!
Ch
*your
Ch
Now I don't feel so bad because that's exactly how I feel. I feel like its natural to want to always be around you kids lol. Why else have kids??!
I can't stand the thought of leaving my daughter with my MIL. I don't know why. I don't like that their house isn't as clean as I want it to be. And I just don't trust her to take care of my baby the way I do. When she's older it'll be fine. In November my husband and I are doing something for two hours with my family and I can't take her with me. And it's an hour and a half away. My husband told me his mom could just watch her. That's like 5 hours minimum without her. And that my MIL will have to take care of her for. I don't trust it for that long.
Ch
I feel for you. That's going to be a tough day
Fa
Two hours is already going to be long enough. I'm going to be thinking about her the whole time. 5 hours would be torture
Ch
Ugh yes! Especially since they're so little. It's so hard to be without them for any period of time. 😩😩
You don't have to leave your baby with anyone you don't feel comfortable with. My little guy was born 8/1 and I haven't left him yet. This is my third baby and I never was this way before but I was a working mom then and they went to daycare so I had to get used to leaving them. I work at home now and don't have to leave him so I don't. I honestly worry about my older two now when they go with my in laws because they are on the older side and don't pay as much attention as they should. If your MIL's feelings are hurt oh well they are your children and you can do as you please. Now on another note because of the anxiey you should get some support if you haven't already I know how hard that is and you should not have to suffer. When you are ready you will be able to leave them but don't do something you don't feel comfortable with. Even though my MIL drives me nuts, she loves my kids and they love her so I try to keep that perspective, but the baby is with me until I am ready and that isn't happening anytime soon!!
Ch
I know it's going to be a while for me to get to that "comfortable" phase. I just don't like to be rushed
Ch
Thank you! I've talked to my doctor and she wanted to put me on medication, but I chose not to since I'm breastfeeding. I normally don't have any big issues, but whenever she's involved, it gets me worked up. I try to talk to my SO about it, but it's hard because he feels as though I'm attacking her
I put my foot down with my mil. She wanted to spend a couple hours with her at her place and I told her no. She would have to come over. She's not even a week old. I carried her for 9 months and my husband and I would like to enjoy her as much as possible until we feel comfortable letting her stay with family, they'll just have to come to us.
Ch
That's what we have been doing. I know it's going to be months, possibly close to a year until I'm that comfortable to leave her. I just don't want to miss anything.
My Mom is that way. I love her and it's my mom and we are very close but I just don't want to leave my baby yet. My son is 6 weeks old and I'm really not sure when I'll be ready. I barely leave him with my husband in a room alone... It's tough being a mama. You do you and your MIL can just deal with it.
Ch
Thank you 😊 I feel that way too. It all takes time
I'm going through the exact same thing right now. I wish I had an answer for you, but I don't :-/We're going to an outdoor wedding on Saturday and I'm really struggling with whether or not I should bring my LO... If we don't, I'll have to leave him with my MIL and FIL who smokes and I don't trust him. Don't fully trust my MIL either though... Can't tell DH this bc he would get upset. But the anxiety is real.
Co
DH and I have been debating for several days now about it. We'll see what we decide. :-/
Ch
You'll be worried the whole time you're there
Ch
I get the smoking thing. My dad was a smoker and I REFUSED to leave my oldest with him alone. It caused a lot of issues, but I didn't care because I didn't want her exposed to that. The older she got, the better he was with it. If I was in your shoes, I would take the baby. Only because if you don't
I hate "pawning off," which is how it feels now how it is, my oldest on others. She will be 6 in Feb and we've always clinged to one other. It took me almost 4 months of being around our roommate, a good friend mt hubs has known almost two years and ive known for about 1 year, for me to run out to get milk wile she was asleep and he was home. Heck even walking to the mailboxes I'd drag her along for the 5 min it takes there and back until about then. I'm still getting over her going to my moms house 20 min away to sleep oved with my siblings (3 of them are 10 and under.) However my little Sabriella, 1.5 months, will probably not be without me for a wile being were exclusively breast feeding, i work from home and only pump when I need to.
Ch
Yea what's the point of having kids if you don't want to be with them? I love my girls and want them around me all the time. Maybe once the baby is a lot bigger I will feel a little more at ease, but for now, I want to enjoy as much time with them as I can 😊
I’m in the exact situation with my girls! My girls are 4 months old but had a long nicu stay and then were on oxygen until October. I left them a couple weeks ago for a little over an hour and hated it! But she had been pressuring me saying I needed to get out. I’m very protective of my girls after their complications but no one understands that. Since her daughter has been leaving her daughter since she was a week old they think that’s what I should be doing. Now I won’t leave them until I’m ready since it wasn’t worth it
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