I’m not sure exactly what I’m looking for, maybe someone else who has been in a similar situation and how they dealt. My daughter is 4 weeks old and has a rare heart condition that has required open heart surgery and for her to be in the hospital her whole life so far. I found out about her condition at 20 weeks, so I was prepared for this and actually anticipating some form of ppd. Most days I have been ok, but I’ve have a few days where I get upset for stupid reasons, which is what happened today. They moved her room and we got moved to a terrible room that has a curtain for a wall and doesn’t completely cover the opening for privacy. I walked into the room and immediately started crying because there was no privacy to pump. For some reason I have no problem pumping in front of the medical staff, but the thought of doing it in front of the random other parents was too much. That lead to me feeling guilty that I only saw her for 30 minutes today. Then I just came back to where we are staying and cried. The main thing that upsets me is that I am going to waste most of my maternity leave sitting in my sister in laws apartment when I could have been working from home. When we finally get home, I will have just a couple of weeks before I go back to work. I also had low progesterone at the beginning of pregnancy that required medication so I wouldn’t lose the pregnancy. Sometimes I think I should have let nature take its course so her and I wouldn’t have to be going through this. I’m not sure if I have baby blues or actual ppd. What you google or look at on Pinterest doesn’t include when your child is in the hospital and you really haven’t had a chance to be a mom yet.