Need to vent

Hey everyone, I am 27 years old and TTC concieve my rainbow baby. We had a miscarriage back in 2016 and after dealing with that loss decided to try again. We were also in an uncertain time in our life. My husband was just medically discharged from the military and we moved back to where both our parents lived. We both did not have jobs and spent our cushion money. Everyone keeps telling me that God only puts what we can handle in front of us. But I kind of felt like God hated me for years. Now I am trying to have a baby. I feel better more secure in life, kind of. I Graduate with my Bachelor's degree in December and hope to find a teaching job fall of 2021. I still feel a pain everytime I think about my son. I was only 8 weeks along and didnt know the gender you cant that early. But I had a dream shortly after that I was in the kitchen cooking and my husband came in dancing and giggling with our son. So I gave him a name, Adam, and it helped to do that. So now 4 years later we are trying again and have gone through 3 cycles and I'm starting to feel down. Adam wasnt planned he was an oops. So the fact that I am trying and I cant get pregnant has me upset, like I did something wrong. I really cant tell my husband all of this for some unknown reason. I just needed to vent and some guidance. I know I have just started and many of you have waited and tried form years. I feel bad complaining after only 3 tries and I'm sorry my struggle is in no way a comparison. I just feel defeated like it wont happen again.