Miscarriage 😢 truly devastated

So ladies I got pregnant in May. I remember when I saw that first positive thinking “no way” “no way”. An that positive was followed by several more positives 20+ positives to be exact. Also, I went to the Doctor what do you know they confirmed pregnancy to. Everything seemed to be okay so I told my Husband. He was so excited so happy. I bought shirts ( I know to soon) but I thought why not. In the back of my mind I though something bad was going to happen though like it was to good to be true. So two days after going to the doctors I started spotting first just when I peed a light pink then nothing. The next day after I pee for a second time there it was bright red blood and a huge blood clot followed by light pink blood and several other blood clots. So here I sit on my bathroom floor crying trying not to let my children see me in pieces. I don’t typically cry so it’s scary for them to see... As I sit here I think to myself “was it my fault” “have a made poor choices that led to this” “did my little white lies cause this” “ am I not a good enough mother” “it has to be my fault”. These thoughts are all so consuming at the moment I feel like I let my husband down. I feel like I’ve let myself down. Okay am just feeling so empty. An I know miscarriage isn’t something someone can prevent or necessarily cause so I hope that doesn’t trigger anyone. It’s just I can’t help my own thoughts in my own head they are all so consuming. I really wanted this baby. As crazy as it sounds I already loved it. To some people it wasn’t a baby yet which I get scientifically speaking. But how can you not fall in love with those little two lines that lead to life. So I sit here bleeding out not only physically but mentally. I feel so weak so sad so lost. I am fearful that this will happen again. I am scared and angry. For all the mothers that have gone through this prior to me or right now I am so sorry. I am sorry to all of the moms that have experienced a loss. It’s something that is unquestionably so draining. Anyway sorry this is so long I needed in outlet.