Miscarried and struggling

I miscarried last Friday, June 19. I was 11 weeks and we were going to surprise our families for Father's Day. First baby, first miscarriage and we are devastated. This past Tuesday was supposed to be my first ultrasound but it ended up being to check to see if everything was emptying out okay. I never got to see my baby and will never have any photos of him (hubby and I strongly feel it was a boy although we never knew for sure. I'm struggling with it and seesaw from crying to anger. Even though I know I am able to conceive, part of me wishes that I never did so I wouldnt be going through this pain. The thought of trying again excites me but I'm terrified of going through again. Not really looking for advice or anything just need to get this out of me. 😭😭😭