Should I leave or stay?

I am 26 years old and my boyfriend is 29

His father passed away 2 years ago and since then he’s a little disturbed handling his fathers business and everything he keeps occupied but yet makes time

Ever since his father passed away he feels like he’s the man of the house which he is because he’s the only man in the house w two other ladies (sis & mom)

His drinking habits have gone worse since then

He drinks then calls me up and gets angry on anything then yells

We’re together since 6 years now

So I made a few set of rules for each other more like boundaries

1. Drinking only twice a week, not getting very drunk tho

2.No smoking weed more than 3 days a week

3. Not to get irritated, yell or raise volume, if there’s any problem we’ll solve it

4. Only one person speaks at a time, no cutting each other in between and talking, let one complete what’s in their mind then other talks so that both knows what’s on each other’s mind

And more like it’s something that I get irritated by whenever someone cuts me and talks

So when it happens not once but a few times even after letting the other person know I’m getting irritated and they don’t stop I loose it and get angry and yell and even abuse

His only complain is that I abuse

But isn’t that started because of you?

I’m not very well to do and he is

He works and earns

Whatever I have I try putting all in getting him gifts make him feel important

Everything I could think for him to get happy

Obviously I expect the same , not gifts but mental gestures or letting me know if I k important or not

A few weeks ago I asked him to get me a gift

His answer was I am broke

His salary was supposed to come and told him in gum why don’t you surprise me with a lingerie of your choice

He agreed

Then said I’m broke, I let it go got irritated but left it

The same day I saw him getting cans of beers and stash full of alcohol

I felt like asking him so I taunted him

He laughed and ignored

I also ignored

I meet him once a week (every Friday) because of the pandemic

So every Friday he insist to open a bottle of wine and finish it like both of us and have sex

When he’s not drunk he can’t have sex

I confronted he declined said its app in my mind

Since 3 days in a row he’s drunk calling me, takes a different meaning of my words, yells and tells me to fuck off

It’s increasing now

He was like it’s before too but now it’s more

We have had fights I’ve cried told him to look at me love me

He constantly tells me he loves me then drunk calls me insults me, my trust is totally gone and I have told him that

He asks for a chance then again breaks my trust

And when I mention the rules I made, he says what do care

I just feel super lonely

6 years and I love him but I kills me when it hurts me, I don’t have much friends hardly 2-3

But I don’t share my personal life

I suffer with severe anxiety and depression

Because I can’t afford a doctor I asked for his help and he agreed but that never happened

I can’t breath when I cry and I get depressed for days

I know it’s toxic and I should leave

But he’s helped me so many times, supported my family for a little rent and few more things

I want someone who doesn’t know me to give me an suggestion for this, so that I can think and make a decision properly, and have never spoken to anybody about it so I think this place makes me feel safe to be unknown and say what I feel

I have always been a disturbed girl since a child because my parents fought a lot and abused each other, I never wanted that for myself, my destiny maybe wants something else