If they don’t make a TV show out of my life I swear

Sit down let me tell y’all a story.

So I have baby chickens, well not really babies anymore. They’re like 2 months old. One got loose and they’re not big enough to roam free yet. If I leave them out they’ll be gone by tomorrow morning because an owl ate them. So I was chasing it around my yard. I was running so hard that my legs feel like jello. I had chased it behind my house and then all I see is the massive cloud of black smoke and fire trucks racing to what looked like my neighbors house. So my big tittied no bra drenched in sweat from chasing a chicken lookin ass runs to my neighbors house screaming oh shit!

Between my house and my neighbors house is trees and I had to run across an acre to be able to see if my elderly neighbor was burning alive.

Like forget the fucking chicken and the fact that my boobs are trying to knock me out WHERE IS miss HILDA?

I open my privacy fence in the front, Hilda’s fine. She’s on the front porch sitting nonchalantly AS A CAR HAS EXPLODED ACROSS THE STREET AT A GAS STATION AND IS ENGULFED IN FLAMES.

Cops are blocking off the road, people are just kinda stuck watching this whole thing.

The firemen got the fire out very quickly like less than 5 minutes and it was done.

Oh and don’t worry, nobody was hurt. The driver ran away from his car before it exploded. And he didn’t blow his car up at the pump, he had pulled off to the side of the gas station which is still dangerous af but they had it under control.

Not even a month ago a helicopter landed in my front yard dude.

2020 is wild.

Oh and yes. I caught my baby chicken. That baby chicken was in fact scandalous. Only a few of you will catch onto that one. Living up to his name.

My brother took pictures of the flaming car if you don’t believe me. Got pics of the helicopter too.