Jealous 😔

I guess I just wanted to post this to see if anyone else ever feels like this... Be patient please, I'm not good with words and I'm not the best at explaining how I feel. I'm a sociopath, I'm not used to feeling things so when it happens I don't really know what to do.

A little background so you guys understand better: growing up my parents were very...absent, I guess you could say. My dad was an alcoholic and would disappear for weeks at a time. I don't remember seeing him very often but when I did see him it was usually when he passed out drunk in random places in the house, I'd often have to ask my mom and brother to help me move him so I could use the bathroom. My mom was home usually but she resented my brother and I. She always told us she never wanted to have kids, that she doesn't understand why she has to give us anything or take care of us since she never wanted us in the first place. She emotionally abused us and sometimes we would go days without eating. My brother became a recluse the older we got so it was an "every man for himself" situation until we both moved out. Anyways, I don't talk to my family. I've tried multiple times to reach out to work on things but I always get shut out.

Everywhere I go, I see people with loving affectionate relationships with their parents. My coworkers say they talk to their moms on the phone twice a week. I even see posts on this app where women say their parents help with this and that, their moms are their best friends, all of that. I hate to admit it, but seeing people all around me with wonderful relationships with their parents makes me feel... jealous? Sad? I don't really know...I just wish I had that. I don't know what that's like and I really wish I did. Am I alone in this?