am i over reacting ?

my boyfriend and his family had a nasty blow out a few months back and we’ve distanced ourselves from them since because we didn’t like the stress or drama that came with it. he’s made it very clear once our second baby comes , if his family wants to see him they can come to us as we’re not driving around for them. but that their more then welcome to visit. his mom and him are on decent terms but him and his dad haven’t talked since.

now my boyfriend has a brother who also has a baby on the way. i’m friends with the girlfriend and have been for the 9 years i’ve been with my boyfriend. we’re due about 4ish weeks apart. she keeps telling me she wants to have shared birthdays with these babies and i’ve said more then once it’s not something i’m really interested in. we enjoy the simple parties with close friends and family and make it clear every year the presents aren’t the point we just like everyone to come. but they are very big into extravagant parties and people have to bring gifts and such.

i’ve tried explaining that i don’t want my friends who don’t know them feeling obligated to bring a present for their child when they don’t know them and vice versa. i feel it’s wrong.

i made it clear a few months back i wanted to do a meet the baby for our son for a few close family members and friends to come and visit and have food

i was just informed my boyfriends mom wants to do a combined one for me and my sister in law just after her baby is born. i openly stated i was still going to do mine as it’s for my friends and a few people we consider our family (not related) who don’t interact with my boyfriends family nor my own family.

my sister in law is now mad at me because she feels it’s unfair and wants to do everything combined. she’s having the second grand daughter. the first one lives out of our country and visits once every few years so everyone in the family will be all about her daughter while me and my son and second son will be in the background and i just simply don’t want to deal with the stress of it all while adapting to newborn life and toddler life at once.

am i wrong for feeling the way i do about the birthday party and the meet the baby thing ?